


13th Doctor X (Y/n) Novella 3

by MissWho77



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 13th Doctor - Freeform, F/F, Gallifrey, Jenny Doctor, Multi, Other, Regeneration, TARDIS - Freeform, The Doctor - Freeform, Timelady, Timelord, doctor who - Freeform, missy - Freeform, newwho, thasmin, thirteenth doctor - Freeform, timetravel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-22 18:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 29,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissWho77/pseuds/MissWho77
Summary: Story synopsis: You battle your emotions and your new found abilities as you attempt to navigate the murky potentials of a healthy relationship while your past continues to haunt you.For this Novella to make sense, please ensure you have read 1 and 2!These are your general trigger warnings, please don't read if you are concerned by any of the following:TW// Sexual assault, Self injury, Suicide, mental illness, grief, tortureThe stories are really coming along now, and I've enjoyed writing this novella a great deal, so I hope you'll like it too.As ever, comments and criticism are always welcome, not including derogatory language or hate speech.Disclaimer, I do not own any of these characters, all rights reserved to the BBC.Let's get started, Allonsey!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 1





	1. Normal

You all sit around a table in the living space, playing cards just like the old days. You find yourself having fun, and your worries fading into the background as you watch Yaz and The Doctor arguing over whether the time lady was cheating or not.

"No the rules are a run, or a run of three and four kings, Queens or Jacks!" Exclaims Yaz, trying to remain angry while her lip turns up in laughter.

"No you've got it wrong! This is the run, it's the Fibonacci sequence!" pouts The Doctor, making you laugh.

They play argue for several more minutes while you watch Jenny try fruitlessly to sort them out.

"We are playing rummy, actually Mum I think Yaz is right" she says slyly, shuffling cards. 

The Doctor throws her cards down and crosses her arms.

"Aww don't be sad, you can have a consolation prize" says Yaz, which makes her sit up.

"Ooh yes what's my prize?" She says excitably like a child.

"Mmmm well let me whisper it in your ear" says Yaz with a smirk. The Doctor pauses and stiffens, grinning mischievously. 

"Your prize is... tickles!" Yells Yaz suddenly, attacking The Doctor with her hands at her hips. 

Both women fall to the floor screaming in laughter as they playfully attack each other, succumbing to hysterics as you and Jenny sit wheezing against each other.

"You two are seriously weird" comments Missy and you smirk at her shrewd expression. "Very mature for a time lady" she adds with an eye roll.

You sit up as the women continue to roll around on the floor, and sit staring into space, absentmindedly tapping out a rhythm on the table. 

The screams of laughter suddenly stop, and The Doctor pulls Yaz to her feet. 

She meets your eye and sits back at the table, shuffling cards silently. 

You look up to Missy who also looks apprehensive. Exchanging uneasy looks with Jenny, The Doctor begins to deal cards, refusing to make eye contact with you. 

"Ok let's play" she says shortly. And the game picks up. You settle back into your gentle rhythm until you catch The Doctors' eye. She shakes her head and you stop tapping, continuing with the game as though nothing had happened. 

You play a couple more rounds before excusing yourself. You couldn't stand the accusatory looks The Doctor kept giving you, or the calculating ones from Missy.

You stroll into the console room, where you sit against a golden pillar, laying your head back and listening to the steady thrum from the sentient machine.

All of a sudden an image invades your head as though it's been pulled to the front of your skull and you jump to your feet, looking anxiously around you. 

Adrenaline courses through you and you ready yourself for danger. You don't know where, but someone was here.

"It's ok, it's ok, its only me" says The Doctor striding into the console room and you relax, somehow feeling safe.

Casually she wonders why you panicked, her face appearing in your mind looking concerned, and you shake your head, sinking back to the ground.

"I don't know, I just thought I saw something" you reply, looking up and catch The Doctors pitiful expression.

"What?" You say defensively, it wouldn't be the first time.

"(Y/n)" she says slowly. "I didn't ask". Surprised and a little hurt that she wasn't interested you shrug, embarrassed.

"Sorry" you say.

"No (y/n) you don't get it. I really didn't ask. I haven't said anything since I told you I was here" 

"Oh" you reply then hit your head. 

"You knew I was wondering why you panicked? But I didn't touch you?" She asks seriously, crouching in front of you. You look away.

"I saw it" you say truthfully.

"Like how?" She says carefully

"I saw your face" you reply, knowing perfectly well she had been turned away.

She doesn't say anything then smiles comfortingly, soothing your distress.

"It's getting stronger" She says, settling herself cross legged in front of you.

"A little" you say honestly. "It's getting clearer with you and Missy, I catch your images a lot more, when you're close enough."

"Don't panic (y/n), it's really nothing to worry about, and I have a theory." You look up, urging her to explain. She smiles and opens her mouth.

"Well, humans think in a linear fashion. The process is thoughts to words. However time lords can hold multiple trains of thought at once. But we don't think in words. We think in patterns and notes, to help us group ideas and keep things seperate. You're used to seeing images from us, but we think in a more complicated manner. It's loud and alive, and you're beginning to understand your abilities enough that they pick up from further away." She finishes and you contemplate. 

Yes, crazy as it sounded, she was right.

"But why? Is it progressing?" You ask.

"No I don't think so, not in the conventional way your thinking. You've been around me long enough that you are more sensitive to us. You're just getting to know me." She shrugs.

You pause to absorb this while The Doctor watches your carefully.

"Will I be this effective with everyone?" You say slowly and she frowns, thinking.

"Maybe with us Time Lords, But I'm not sure, it's just guess work, far from an exact science. You really are one of a kind." She flashes you a smile and you look away.

Again, you start tapping thoughtfully, and her frown reappears.

"What it's just a beat" you say and she smiles wanly.

"Four beats. That's the beat of a time lord heart." 

You stop, slightly scared and she holds out her arm.

You place gentle fingers on her pale wrist. It's amazing, the two pulses. 

You nod to show her you understand, and she withdraws understandingly.

"You'll be fine (y/n)" she says gently with a warm smile. "Just tell me if you are ever worried." She turns to rise but you grab her coat tail and she looks back at you.

"Is this it?" You say in a high pitched voice. "Will it keep getting stronger?" You can hear the break in, so she can too.

"It's not irreversible, but I believe you are strong enough." she says sadly, then walks off down a corridor, leaving you to interpret exactly what that means.


	2. Boots

You sit on the deck of the Tardis with a book on your lap trying to read, which is difficult because The Doctor and Missy are arguing both internally and externally. 

You really didn't like that contact was no longer a necessity. 

You sigh and lean back, giving up on the novel. It was a slow book anyway. You'd have to visit the library soon. The thought cheered you up. 

There is a sudden bang that makes you jump and some cursing from Missy.

"No no no! You're supposed to plug the spark into the chameleon circuit on the auto setting!" She says with a heavy eye roll.

"I think I know my own ship." The Doctor replies with a scoff.

"Well you'd think, wouldn't you." Missy mutters back and you can't help but laugh at them. Both turn and stare at you bemusedly. 

"Sorry, but we're finding this very funny." You giggle.

"We?" Inquires Missy and you indicate the machine who whirres her agreement. You giggle again.

"Well I'm glad you think it's funny, but we're actually working here." Sulks The Doctor and this time Yaz giggles too.

"Sorry babe, but does it really take two time ladies to change a plug?" She giggles and you snort in agreement.

They mutter incoherently and prod a little more, before a successful whir is heard from the bowels of the ship.

"Finally! Are you done making a mess? Are we going somewhere?" Asks Jenny, entering the console room. 

"Sure, who's turn?" Asks The Doctor excitably, all sulking gone.

"Afreyaii? Haven't been there in a while" suggests Jenny with a shrug when no one answers. 

The Doctor prods a couple of buttons, and with a huge shake you take off. 

You lean heavily against a pillar as do Yaz and Jenny, but of course the time ladies have impeccable balance. 

The Tardis seems to sense this and takes it as a personal challenge, creating a sudden lurch that sends both of them stumbling, but not quite to the floor. 

You giggle and pat her while she responds in her own way. You land with both of them scowling, and walk behind Jenny out the door. 

A whooshing above makes you look up, and start at the flying ships above you; some futuristic version of the car. 

You are down a by street, but see people in the distance. 

You barely make it one step before the entire ground shakes and you are all sent sprawling to the floor. 

You land heavily on your knees and grunt in pain. 

"(Y/n) are you alright?!" Says Jenny helping you to your feet, sounding worried. 

Your heart rate picks up when she touches you. 

You nod and she lets go, considerately giving you space, brushing her hands on her combat jeans. 

The Doctor is helping Yaz to her feet and you catch Missy's eye. She winks and you smile. 

"Ok what was that?" Says Jenny rounding on The Doctor.

"I've no idea" she says suspiciously. "Let's find out!" She adds, bursting with sudden charisma. The energy she must use up astounds you.

"Come on, let's do some investigating."

"Great, we're bloody mystery incorporated." Mutters Missy and you snort unattractively.

"Nice" she says and you blush, embarrassed. She was really quite intimidating.

You reach the end of your by street and look out into the main one. There is a lack of roads, which you suppose is due to the air transport, but still people rush around, eyes darting as though they are going to be hit any second.

One woman runs into Yaz and knocks her right over. She doesn't even stop.

"Are you alright my love?" Says The Doctor anxiously and the girl nods, wincing at her grazed palms.

"Why's everyone in such a rush?" She asks to various shrugs.

"Excuse me" calls Jenny to one women. She looks frightened and picks up the pace. "Strange" comments Jenny and you agree.

"Excuse me, madam?!" Calls Jenny to someone else, an elderly lady who actually stops, albeit ruefully.

"What are you doing? Get inside my dears, they'll have the pretty ones like you lot!" She says before going to walk away.

"I'm sorry but who will?" Calls The Doctor and she pauses, turning with an inquisitive expression. 

"You mean you really don't know?" 

"We're foreign" says Missy with a hint of sarcasm.

"These are strange times, people are being taken right off the streets in broad daylight! Gone without a trace" she says looking terrified. You feel really quite sorry for her.

"I'm sorry, but whose talking them?" Asks The Doctor worriedly but the lady she shakes her head. 

"That's the thing! No one knows! Best to stay indoors or go about your business in groups, stay safe now, get inside before dark, that's all we can do." 

"Thank you" says The Doctor sincerely, and the lady smiles, before turning and trotting off, looking in all directions with alarmed swivels of her head.

The Doctor turns to you all with a determined expression.

"I need to know who or what's taking these people and why" she mutters darkly.

"Of course you do" says Missy looking towards the heavens.

"Yes, and I have a plan."

"Go on" says Jenny suspiciously and you have a nasty feeling you know what's coming.

"3...2...1" mumbles Missy so only you can hear.

"We're going to get captured!" She exclaims almost sounding excited.

"And there it is" mutters Missy quietly, eyes still up. 

You giggle and she smiles before looking at The Doctor.

"You want us to deliberately get captured and potentially killed? I'm in" she says in a voice heavy with sarcasm. 

Even Yaz smiles slightly.

"If they wanted people dead, they could have massacred them on the street." She says seriously.

"Thats optimistic" you say, feeling she was taking a light view on things. She smirks before turning to the group at large.

"I reckon this has got something to do with the earthquake, did you spot her shoes by any chance?" She asks politely and no one reacts except Missy.

"Brown boots?" She asks.

"Exactly, with a nice dress and coat. She knew what footwear to put on this morning." She finishes and you make the link just as Jenny does.

"You think these earthquakes are a regular occurrence?" 

"This planet isn't known for its tectonics, at least not in this time zone." She confirms and you all stand listening.

"Ok, well what are we waiting for? Let's all walk head first and willingly into danger shall we?" Says Missy, and thats exactly what you do.


	3. Different

"Ok, Yaz with me, Jenny and (y/n), Missy will you be alright on your own?" Says The Doctor to nods of agreement, except Missy who says "Are you sure I can manage it?" With heavy sarcasm. You felt she was done being sociable.

"Ok everyone, be careful, and look like bait" she says with a grin before slipping her hand into Yazs' and heading off to the left street.

"We'll take the right then?" You ask Jenny and she nods.

"Try not to get killed" are Missy's parting words before she takes the centre street. You roll your eyes and turn to Jenny with a smile.

"Lead the way"

You walk for maybe half an hour before the light drops, and when it does, the streetlights dim unnaturally too. You groan up at them as the flicker ominously, before taking a step back and squealing when you hit someone.

"Sh (y/n) it's only me" hushes Jenny and you relax.

"Sorry" you apologise but she doesn't seem to mind. 

She hasn't take her hand off the small of your back yet, at least. 

"I wonder how the others are getting on?" You ask, but at that moment you feel something sharp poke in your neck. Your body goes limp, and you watch as Jenny falls likewise, before your eyes shut and you hit the cold ground.

* * *

"Yeah no it was an excellent plan, I loved being forcefully knocked out and kidnapped" someone says, and you have a good idea whom.

"Keep it down would you!" Someone else whisper-shouts, you think that's The Doctor. 

You sense footsteps towards and feel someone stroke your face.

"Is she going to be ok?" Missy asks in a voice of halting concern.

"Yaz woke up shortly after me, I'm guessing she'll be round any second." 

Taking your cue you moan softly and open your eyes, catching sight of Missy smirking at you.

"Morning sunshine, you look like shit" she grins.

"Thanks" you mutter, rolling over. 

Missy helps you to your feet and you run your hand over you neck which is a little sore from the anaesthetic jab. 

Yaz is leaning collectedly against a wall, while The Doctor paces. She catches your eye and nods reassuringly which you return before she commences. 

"Wait, Jenny? Where's Jenny!" You exclaim feeling your stomach plummet.

"Relax she's here" indicates Missy, and you drop to your knees as she stirres, frowning. 

She looks around then lands on you. You smile and she returns it good naturedly. You offer a tentative hand and she accepts, allowing you to pull her to her feet. 

You let go when she is steady, trying to calm the panicked beating of your frantic heart. 

Contact was still rather an issue.

"Well now that we're all here, what's the plan?" Asks Missy innocently. The Doctor frowns and turns, but at that moment you hear the door of your little cell unlock. 

You step back and at the same time Jenny and Missy step forward as though it were rehearsed. You don't know what you were expecting, but the combination of a Rhino man in metal uniform complete with a strong military presence was rather overwhelming.

"Bo jo fro jo ko jo sho no. Backalorafo shono." He grunts impatiently. You look cluelessly around when The Doctor makes you jump by responding.

"No jo fro no do ho ko" she says sternly and bizarrely you fight back the urge to laugh.

"Jo no ko jo to jo?" Joins in Missy and now you're really lost. 

All three plus Jenny, who you realised understood too, turn to look at you and Yaz. That's when he pulls out a gun and points it at your face.

"No bo ko fono" he says impatiently, and you turn in fear to the others as he grabs yours and Yazs' arms. 

You shriek in alarm but he tugs you out the door to uproar from the three left behind. Yaz screams in fear too, but you are forcefully dragged from their cell, marched down endless corridors then thrown into one identical. He isn't remotely bothered by your attempts of protest. 

He locks the door and walks off, leaving you and Yaz in the tiny cell with two beds and a small bathroom. She sits down on a cot and puts her head in her hands in defeat as you curse, beyond out of your depth.

"We're going to be ok" you say to her uncertainly and she lifts your head and gives you a look of disbelief.

"The Doctor will think of something" you say as surely as you can and she nods, putting on a brave face.

"I hope she's ok..."says Yaz, but this time you do have an answer.

"Oh she's fine," you respond with a grin and an eye roll. "She just worrying about you, which is getting a little tedious."

Yaz looks up, stunned. "You can hear her, from this far away?" 

"Vaguely, and only her" your respond, but Yaz looks unconvinced. "She's fine Yaz" you add and finally she smiles.

"Thank you" she says, still a little awkward around your abilities. "I wish there was some way I could reassure her..." she trails off sadly, and you frown slightly.

"Sorry, one way only" you apologise, feeling selfish that no one could hear you.

"Thank you anyway." She says.

"That's alright, now I suggest we get some rest." You respond, indicating the two single beds. 

Yaz looks at them, unimpressed, then nods. She climbs in and looks up at you.

"Are you ok with this?" She asks tentatively and you nod.

"Single beds are fine, I've had to get used to them in hospital" you say gently, trying not to alarm her. Her expression tells you you've done a bad job.

"Night Yaz" you say to show you're fine and the conversation was over. You hear her shuffle and get settled.

"Goodnight (y/n)" she replies quietly and you close your eyes, trying to ignore the proximity. 

Yaz was quiet and calm; she had no plans to hurt you as of right now. Thinking of the others so far away, you try to get some sleep.


	4. Judoon

You spend the next twelve hours switching between pacing your cell and listening, neither of which were very rewarding, until one of the space rhinos -Judoon, Yaz called them- comes to collect you from your cell. 

You walked in silence behind him with Yaz, and unexpectedly into a huge food hall teeming with people. 

You stop and Yazs' mouth drops. You are lead to a queue where you stand and collect food before sitting yourself on a far table alone. 

The bubbling crowd gave you a headache, all the noise blending into one big crescendo. The proximity wasn't particularly enjoyable either. 

Two older women sit themselves opposite you and you take your opportunity when they nod a polite greeting. 

"Excuse me but where are we?" You ask urgently across the table and they exchange looks.

"You're guess is as good as ours dear" the greyer one says and you lean back.

"How long have you been here? What are they doing with us?" Hisses Yaz and you frown at her tone. She relaxes slightly.

"We've been here a few weeks, and I think they're just holding us." She shrugs next to her silent friend and you slump slightly.

"Holding us for what?" 

"Well from what we can gather, they're slowly removing the entire population" she says absentmindedly and you are shocked at how casual she is.

"But why?" You insist and she frowns.

"They're the police, they have just reason, I think it's until they deal with the earthquakes." She answers and finally you piece it together. 

The Judoon were the space police, they weren't kidnapping you, they thought they were saving you. Another thought occurs but Yaz beats you to it.

"But where are they taking us?" She asks in gentler tones. Both women shrug and you feel her lose patience. You glare at her scoldingly and she loosens.

"Yaz, (y/n)!" You hear across the hall and turn your head so quickly you may now have whiplash. 

You trip off the bench after Yaz and run up to the barred wall. Behind are Jenny, Missy and The Doctor.

"Are you two ok?" The latter says quickly, looking you up and down from the other side. 

You nod as Yaz reaches through and takes her hand.

"We were worried" says The Doctor, sighing, but Yaz smiles.

"We weren't" she replies, nodding significantly at you. You shuffle your feet a little awkwardly and roll your eyes.

"Yeah whatever, anyway, Doctor they're taking these people somewhere safe apparently, but I don't know why they're keeping them here." You rush out as she listens.

"Mmm, that makes sense, we've been told we're leaving, they must've realised we're nothing like this population, don't worry, I'm sure I can figure something out." She adds as you look tense. Yaz drops her hand and they step away, followed by one of the Judoon. 

"We're coming back." She says reassuringly, reading your anxious expression.

Trying desperately not to panic at being left behind, you turn back to Yaz. 

A bell sounds and everyone rises, and you are returned to your cell. Whatever they were doing, you hoped they could do it soon.

No more than a few hours later, you hear the cells nearby become occupied. Their fear resonates through the walls and you lean against a cot in discomfort. 

You know they'll come back, but you can't help the images that flicked behind your eyelids every time you blink. 

You watched The Doctor leave you behind, and fly away in the Tardis when the silurains were torturing your mind. Even the thought of losing Missy, given her surprising compassion the other night stirred worry in the pit of your stomach, let alone the thought of never seeing Jenny again.

You shiver and attempt to stay positive. You search for some piece of reality to cling to, and try to tune into Yazs' mind.

Yaz simply stares into the distance, while you catch fleeting images of The Doctor. It worked only when you concentrated with all your strength, which kept your own mind from wandering to darker places. Actually it was very loud. You look over to her but she isn't particularly close, which means...

"You came back!" You shout, jumping to your feet as the blonde appears, smiling at your door accompanied by a Judoon.

"Of course I did, hi babe." She adds to Yaz, who jumps into her arms the second the door is unlocked. 

"Right come on you two" she smiles as the floor vibrates alarmingly. 

"Doctor?" You says uncertainly and she smiles, leading you back down the hallway.

"They were a little stuck, they saved these people from their crumbling planet but had no where to put them. I suggested a planet in a neighbouring galaxy only 42 years in their future. Had to set it up of course, but I knew they wouldn't mind. Tardis is leading the way as we speak." She says and you stop.

"But if you're here, who's flying her?" You ask perplexed.

"Missy" she answers shortly, and you sense a little tension.

"You left those two alone together? I wonder which one will make it out" jokes Yaz and she smiles.

"I asked them to be nice" says the time lord, and you can only hope they'll listen. You are pulled to the new planet in under an hour, where it lands without fuss, having collected everyone from their previous homes.

The Tardis materialises right on cue and you rush right inside, anxious to check on the pair. To your relief, they both look unharmed, if a little disgruntled.

"I take it back mum, you fly this thing really well" says Jenny sourly, glaring at Missy as she gets to her feet.

"Oops sorry, did I not warn you we were landing?" Says Missy sweetly with wide eyes. 

You cross your arms and they both catch sight of you, Jenny breaking into a smile, and Missy stepping back from the console.

"Well I'm glad you two didn't kill each other" you say with an eye roll and Missy snorts without looking at you. Jenny approaches and reaches out a hand suggestively. You eye her then reach for it, happy for The Doctor to take the controls and you away.


	5. Relief

TW: self harm

You go to bed that night feeling buzzed and on edge. 

You knew you were safe, The Doctor had come back as she had promised, but you couldn't settle. 

You toss and turn in your nest but give up quickly, rising from the floor, the lights lifting slightly so you can see what you're doing. 

You know exactly what you're doing. 

You pad softly to the bathroom and begin to run a bath. Stretching, you try to ease your muscles but it's no use. Anxiety fills you and you strip your clothes, sinking softly into the bath and allowing your head to temporarily go under. 

You pull up, gasping as memories of your last encounter with this much water attack you. It was The Tardis pool, the day you jumped off the roof when Jenny regenerated the first time. 

You shiver involuntarily and lie back in the warmth. You hated this feeling, like you were to be attacked any second despite being theoretically safe. 

It hadn't really bothered you, the actual imprisonment with Yaz, you knew the others were helpless themselves. But you couldn't help yourself thinking that once The Doctor was free and back on the Tardis, she only came back for Yaz. 

Sinking back below the surface, you open your mouth and scream at the top of your voice until all the air is gone, and the bubbles have ceased, where you emerge, gulping down the moist air.

You don't even try to prevent your mind wandering where it wants, because it's already there, staring at your razor. 

In slow motion you reach over the side of the bath, pull it from the cabinet, and twirl it in your fingers. Subconsciously, you feel your hand squeeze around it until the plastic snaps. You were an expert at this. The blade dangles out and you spin it between your fingers, giving a final yank that frees it. 

Your heart rate has picked up, and you feel the first rush of serotonin. It feels good. 

Sensationally, you drag the blade across your thigh and exhale sharply. It was only light, but the crimson liquid begins to ooze. Mesmerised, you pull again and more blood flows. 

Inspired, you cut again and again, losing interest in your thighs and moving back to your wrists and stomach. Your eyes are closing but you are warm and happy. 

The water stings the fresh wounds but the pain reminds you that you are alive. You feel a sense of achievement. You actually don't want to die. You just need to feel enough pain to numb your aching heart. 

You feel a wave of shock when you eventually open your eyes and find the water a deep crimson. 

Panicked and dizzy, you pull yourself from the tub and, stepping out, pull the plug behind you. The water had been too hot and you fall to your knees, pulling a blue towel from a nearby rack and wrapping yourself up. 

You shake and wince as you stand cautiously, testing your strength. The wounds flow more freely out here, and you dig through the mostly empty cupboard, finding a few small plasters. 

They barely cover a single cut. You take the towel back to your floor nest without bothering to change and lie down, exhausted. 

The bathroom would have to wait until morning. 

You feel successful, allowing the soft triumphant feeling of relief to enevelop you. Closing your eyes, you are asleep within minutes.

* * *

Your wounds are sore the next morning as you walk stiffly into the kitchen. 

Jenny and The Doctor are talking and cut off abruptly when you enter. You try to hide your wincing as you stretch up to pull down the bread and marmite, but you catch The Doctor eyeing you suspiciously. You smile nonchalantly but she still looks shrewd. Sick of her speculation you talk first.

"Good morning" you say, putting toast in the toaster.

"Hiya (y/n)" replies Jenny with heat rising to her cheeks, and somehow you resonate a similar colour. 

Unbelievable. 

You carry your toast and sit down at the counter, unable to contain some wincing as your muscles contract with the effort.

"(Y/n) are you hurt?" Asks The Doctor and you shake your head playfully, as though her question were ridiculous, then have an idea.

"Actually yes" you say "I could do with some painkillers" you add, pretending your fear was embarrassment when she looks alarmed.

"I've got some quite painful cramps" you say, the heat in your face at your lies adding a nice touch. 

The Doctors' face clears and she finally smiles.

"Of course, heaven knows that sort of pain surprised me when I became a woman." She says, and Jenny looks at her sideways.

"Try becoming a man and having a brief relief before being chucked right back in again." She giggles, but stops suddenly, her face showing she was worried she may have upset you. 

You smile at her understandingly and she replicates it timidly. The Regeneration thing still confused you, and it must show on your face.

"Sorry (y/n), it's just not that weird for us" apologies The Doctor and you shake it off.

"No no, I understand, it's basically a new life each time?" You speculate and they nod. "It isn't weird at all though? Changing gender?" You aim at The Doctor but someone else answers from the door.

"A little, but I'd definitely say I prefer being a woman, more perks." Missy winks and you laugh at her meaning.

"Really? The disrespect I get as a woman annoys me, you know I was once dunked for supposedly being a witch when I was trying to fight some deadly mud." She pouts, and the rest of you laugh.

"Yep I remember that" says Yaz entering. Now you were all here. "I think you escaped the chains thanks to Houdini?" She says raising one brow fondly and The Doctor slaps her forehead dramatically.

"Damn it, I still owe him a goose." She mutters darkly. 

You snort and Missy looks at you playfully.

"Ridiculous" she mutters and you agree, but that was just The Doctor.


	6. Cards

You lean back on your chair as you all sit around a table. You smile into the pleasant atmosphere of everyone enjoying another game of cards, and watch as Missy and The Doctor try to outwit each other. Their poker faces are pretty good, and for a while you can't tell who's bluffing.

It was about lunchtime, and you were all relaxing before another adventure. Or you were supposed to be, both Missy and The Doctor were currently in a heated battle of cards.

"You can give up any time" smirks Missy and The Doctor smiles innocently back.

"Not a chance" she replies.

"We could always make it a little more interesting..?" Asks Missy and you bump back down on your chair to listen closer.

"Like how?" The other time lady replies suspiciously.

"Loser has to answer any and all questions for five minutes. Do you forfeit?" She adds seeing The Doctors shrewd expression. She grins.

"Absolutely not" she says, but you can tell by her thoughts she was worried. So she was bluffing.

Something Yaz had said when you were locked up in that cell, about wanting to reassure the Doctor back had been bugging you for a while now. Maybe, just maybe, if you could take an image from someone's head, the process could be reversed? No time like the present to give it a go.

You turn your body ever so slightly to Missy, and gently pull the image of the cards from The Doctors head and attempt to send it to her. You screw up your face due to the intense concentration, and can tell when Missy hears it for she jumps slightly. 

You are stunned it worked, and a little scared of you were honest. 

Satisfied, you lean back, failing to notice Yazs' also suspicious face.

"All in" says Missy confidently and The Doctor scowls, throwing her cards down.

"No fair!" She says, crossing her arms and leaning back into Yaz who gives her a quick squeeze.

"Actually she's right, that want fair" says Yaz and you look at her, trying to gage her expression. It looks mischievous, but there was no way she could know the silent communication you just transferred.

"I didn't cheat!" says Missy impertinently and Yaz smiles. Everyone looks at her while you become worried. There was no way-

Suddenly she throws startling images in your direction, sending you wave after wave of suggestive encounters with Missy and Jenny. 

You shriek and fall backwards off your chair, elbow colliding painfully with the corner of the table. You slap your head irritably as she rocks back on her own chair, laughing manically.

"Yaz!" You exclaim, wincing at the images that bring fresh blush across your cheeks.

"What's going on?" Demands The Doctor on her feet, full of obvious confusion.

"(Y/n) what's wrong? Are you ok?" Panics Jenny and you shake your head, scowling at the other human.

"That's what you get for cheating" she smirks. Big mistake.

"Oh yeah?" You say softly, probing her warm mind with yours. With all your concentration you give her the image she had last thought of The Doctor, letting her know that you always knew what she was thinking. It was surprisingly easy now you knew it was possible.

"Stop it!" She cries but you simply laugh at her bright red face.

"Absolutely not" you giggle as she squirms uncomfortably in her seat, eventually tumbling off. 

The Doctor dives down after her and you hear them snorting and blushing alternatively.

"Would anyone like to tell me what's going on?" Asks Jenny faintly and you smile.

"Just giving Yaz a taste of her own medicine." You say as Missy snorts too.

"(Y/n) come on leave her alone" scolds Jenny playfully and you roll your eyes. You pull your mind from hers and she stops freaking out. She rises, flushed and bothered, hitching her top back over her shoulders.

"(Y/n) can you not?" Complains The Doctor and you nod a little shamefacedly, seeing Yazs' mortified face.

"Oh come on Yaz started it" retorts Missy, deeply amused, and The Doctor frowns.

"I mean it, both of you. This could be dangerous. Your abilities could really hurt someone (y/n)" she  
says and you look down at the floor. 

"You're right" you say, remembering what you did to Owen. "That was a stupid idea. I might call it a night, sorry Yaz" you say and turn to leave.

"Doctor what was that?" Demands Missy and you hear both their tones heat up.

"Stop it, The Doctors' right, I need to be more careful." You say with a small smile. Missy doesn't look convinced.

"You can't spend your life being terrified of it" reasons Jenny and you look back at the room.

"You don't have total control. I'm not trying to be unfair (y/n)" says The Doctor sincerely and you see her point.

"No I understand, really I won't do it again" you say and The Doctor nods carefully.

"Then teach her" says Missy unexpectedly.

"Um, what?" You say, confused.

"Come on it can only benefit her" says Missy excitably. The Doctor doesn't look convinced.

"It could go wrong, I can't ask anyone to take that risk" she replies and you breathe.

"I'll happily volunteer as tribute." Says Missy in mock solemnity.

"No!" You gasp and she looks taken aback. "I haven't got that much control, the only reason I could do it then was because Yaz was aware and working with me, I could seriously hurt you!" You exclaim in panic and their faces soften.

"Which is all the more reason to try" says Missy lightly. "I'm not having you terrified of your capabilities and blaming yourself for what happened in the past. If you can control it, you could use it." She says and you look desperately at The Doctor.

"It's quite dangerous, but if Missy is willing to try I don't see why not." She says, looking at you carefully. 

You swallow and look desperately between them. Their faces show only concern. You settle on the only face you can bear to look at right now, for it shows no pity.

"Sleep on it" suggests Jenny and you nod gratefully. 

The Doctor sighs in defeat and you go to your room, well aware of someone following you. When you reach your door you turn and meet Missy who smiles, putting her arm against the door above your head so you're very close. 

She is pinning you in place and you couldn't escape if you wanted to. Which was of course what you wanted. To escape. Yes, that's what you wanted.

Your heart is hammering and you feel fire spread across your face.

"Goodnight (y/n)" she breathes and you feel her warm breath over your skin and shiver slightly, unconsciously leaning in to the heat, eyes closed. The warmth spreads across your very eyelids. She taps you lightly on the nose and you open your eyes with a start, extremely warm and flustered.

"G-Goodnight" you say and she smiles at your difficulty in functioning. God how did she do that. She walks away, leaving you in a bubble of her warmth. 

You turn and step into your room, closing the door behind you.


	7. Flower

"Hang on (y/n)" says The Doctor as you all head to the console room the next morning. The others look back curiously but continue ahead.

You follow her to the medbay where you tense at the memories. She walks to a cabinet then sonics it for a full ten seconds before it clicks open and she picks a white bottle, closing the cabinet with just as much fuss. You feel this may be deliberate.

"Take a couple of these." She says handing you two blue painkillers. She must have noticed you were still in pain, you just hoped she was still under the impression it was due to cramps.

You knock them back without a second thought, catching her surprised look when you're done.

"No water?" She asks. 

Losing patience, you reply curtly.

"I'm well trained" you say, then lead the way back to the others. 

"What's wrong with you?" Demands Missy and you smile calmly.

"You want it alphabetically or chronologically?" You mutter under your breath, realising too late that 75% of the people on this ship would've heard you. 

You refuse to meet any of their eyes as The Doctor spins a dial and you take off. The journey is full of the usual havoc and you find yourself wincing as you exert your muscles and bother your injuries, especially the ones on your legs, though not as deep as your wrists. 

When you eventually stop you are endlessly grateful and have to take a second to regain composure. As a result you are the last out onto the springy moss ground. Heavenly scents engulf you and you breathe in the deep plum coloured trees, mixed with varying shades of green. They are absolutely beautiful, but they aren't what had your attention now. 

"Wow" says Yaz and you feel the same way. This planets' sun is huge and low on the horizon, creating an ethereal light over the deep forest. She takes a step to her left and you find that was exactly the way you were planning on going. Something in that direction is calling you.

You walk a couple of paces with Yaz before you feel your mind flood with nauseating warmth that is extremely addictive.

"Yaz, babe wait a second for me" laughs The Doctor but Yaz ignores her.

"Where is everyone?" Asks Jenny, and it's then that you realise the forest is completely silent.

You begin to walk away with Yaz.

"(Y/n) hold on" says Missy seriously but you ignore her too. 

You walk forward with Yaz, feeling a dull glaze over your senses as you are pulled in the same direction. 

"Will you two wait!" Calls The Doctor but neither of you stop. 

"Doctor there's something wrong" utters Jenny, catching up and waving a hand in front of your face. 

You barely blink. 

She takes your arm, and despite your fear of contact and stinging fresh wounds, you feel nothing.

"Come on, back in the Tardis, now" says The Doctor sternly. 

Recognising danger, you and Yaz break into a sprint in the same direction.

"Shit!" Yells Missy but you're gone.

You run with deep purpose towards the calling, mind empty except for your goal. You feel heat and happiness awaiting you, and you're getting closer, and closer, you can almost feel it-

THUMP

You are sent sprawling to the ground and feel someone pinning you down. 

You shake and snarl but they hold you fast. Looking up you see only concern in The Doctors' eyes but you are furious.

"Doctor I've got Yaz!" Yells Jenny somewhere to your right, and The Doctor breathes.

"Ok I've got (y/n), Missy come and hold her, I'll get Yaz" she calls back. She rolls off you and you try to run but Missy pushes you over and straddles you.

"Oh no you don't" she teases, placing your hands above your head. You try to roll her off you but she's too strong. 

She laughs at your attempts and you scowl.

In the corner of your eye you see Jenny release Yaz and The Doctor scoop her up. She's also putting up a resistance.

"Let me go!" You spit but she only smirks.

"Sorry, no can do, you're a little cuckoo right now my love." With that she shifts her weight and lifts you into her arms in one movement.

"Let me GO" you scream but she doesn't let up. 

"Please I need to reach it! It's mine!" You shriek and she pauses briefly.

"Oh you're kidding me" says The Doctor soon enough, and you sense her displeasure as she finally stops.

"I'm sorry Doctor I think she dematerialised" confesses Jenny guiltily. Missy rights you and you stand, ready to make a break for it. You try but Jenny grabs your other arm.

"This is bad" she says, struggling with you fighting them off. Their time lord grips are strong however.

"Whatever has happened to the life here, it's affecting them, maybe because they're human, anyway, we need to keep an eye on them."

"How" gasps Jenny as you flail and throw yourself around.

"We're going to have to tie them up for their own safety" sighs The Doctor, doing so with an equally determined Yaz. 

Missy and Jenny lower you to the floor while you continue to scream, and tie you hands behind your back then to the same tree as Yaz. 

At one point you try to bite Missy who chuckles and taps you lightly on the nose. All three women step back as you and Yaz continue to struggle.

"This doesn't feel right" says Jenny in a troubled voice .

"I'm sorry love but it's this or risk them getting hurt, I don't know what's luring them but I doubt it can be good" The Doctor frowns back.

"They'll be fine, just let them calm down a bit, meanwhile, you can explain to me exactly where The Tardis has gone." Missy growls rounding on an impertinent Doctor.

"We need to get to the source" you and Yaz say together in monotonous unison, but you are not at all surprised, it feels natural.

Everything still feels blurry and translucent.

The women look down at you in confusion.

"Spooky" comments Missy raising a brow.

"What did you say?" Asks The Doctor, coming and kneeling in front of you.

"It's so beautiful, why won't you let us see it?" says Yaz sadly and you nod in agreement.

"It's waiting for us, I will gladly give her my life." You say dreamily and she recoils.

All three women look suitably stunned, and silence descends.

"I guess we're camping here tonight" mutters Missy finally.


	8. Tied

TW: Slight gore

The sun sets low over the horizon as you bide your time. Nothing matters except reaching the beautiful pictures of the source. 

Yaz can't see the images it's producing, but the lure alone is strong enough.

You sit with your legs crossed, back to the tree and glaring at the others who shoot worried looks over at you two every now and then. 

You refuse the food and water they mange to scavenge from the woods out of pure spite.

They huddle ten feet away, muttering to each other while you allow the feeling to flow right through you. 

"Ok you two, bed time" says Missy, untying you while The Doctor does the same with Yaz. Your senses are down and you feel no need to be alarmed.

Still, you tense to run but she slips the end of the rope around her own wrist and ties it there, until you are handcuffed to her. You yank experimentally and she laughs.

"You know my knot tying skills are better than that" she says and you scowl. She lies down on the floor, and you kneel next to her, Jenny glaring at her in the dark. 

You can hear The Doctor trying to soothe Yaz, but she is also resisting. You sigh and curl up on the ground, letting your nails dug into your palm. No way were you drifting off. Good nights are exchanged but you refuse to reply. 

This was going to be a waiting game. 

Minutes snail into hours as you pretend to be asleep. 

You check on the others inconspicuously very half hour until you are sure they are all asleep. 

You sit up without pulling at the rope, and begin to wriggle. It's stuck fast but you are determined. 

Realising what you must do, you lower your head to your hand, tensing your trapped hand and bite down hard on it. 

You gasp as blood flows which you wipe and spit onto the rope. With some more tugging, and reduced friction from the warm blood, your hand begins to free. 

Skin peels off your wrist and hand and you ease it out inch by inch, rubbing off several layers and exposing the dark pink bloody stuff underneath. 

With a final pull it slides free and you tuck it safely into your chest, where is throbs and stings in the background. 

Standing quietly, you look back but Yaz is asleep. 

With that, you turn and disappear into the darkness. You walk until you are far enough to risk more noise by running, following the pictures as they get clearer and more frequent. 

It promises peace and happiness, and you believe it. 

Your uninjured hand reaches out of its own accord as a dark maroon shape comes into view. Wider than it was tall, you guessed it were a magenta in the half light. Squinting carefully, you decide it is some sort of giant lotus flower. You want to touch it, and you see no reason not to. 

You go to step over something warm, but your feet catch and you tumble to the ground. Looking down, you see it is some kind of doe, but huge and an intense butterscotch colour. It is breathing clearly but somehow deep asleep. With the kick you just gave it, it should have woken. Flicking your hair over your shoulder and resting on you elbows and back, you prod it with your toe. Nothing. 

It's eyes are open and staring, blissfully unaware of its surroundings. It occurs to you that that may be how you look. 

It also looks sad, and with that, you feel the warmth disappearing from your chest.

You recoil as you realise the ground surrounding the flower is littered with unconscious animals, some you vaguely recognise as distant cousins to their Earth-counterparts, but some are completely foreign. 

"(Y/N!)" someone shrieks and you turn to find Jenny standing not too far away, blinking furiously. 

Perhaps now she could feel the pull of the flower. 

Three more people come crashing through the forest, Missy, The Doctor and a mesmerised Yaz. The Doctor is keeping a firm grip on her. 

Missy steps to your way and you retreat a pace towards the flower, enjoying its pull again.

"Ok" she says, smiling anxiously. "I won't come any closer" she says with her hands raised and you swallow.

"But you need to get back here. Look around you (y/n). They're not going to wake up. And neither will you if you get any closer."

At that you feel another pull from the flower, as does Yaz who tries again to escape. The Doctor tackles her to the floor.

"I'm tired" you say in child like tones and Jenny nods understandingly, also approaching, but stopping a safe distance away.

"That's ok, you can sleep soon" she says soothingly. 

You have the urge to lie down, and feel your whole body droop.

"Walk towards me (y/n)" calls Jenny in a controlled voice, and you consider it. Her voice is very inviting.

"The doe looks sad" you mumble looking down at the creature. "Can't you save her?" You aim at The Doctor who is holding Yaz on the floor.

"I'm sorry (y/n), I'll make sure no one ever come here again, but you can't save her. Just walk towards us." She pleades. 

You look at Jenny's anxious expression and Missys' determinedly light one, and then back at the flower. 

You sway slightly and shake your head to regain balance, pulling your hands out incase you fell.

"Your hand..." whispers Missy, facade cracking. 

Blood drops off them onto the crunchy leaves below.

"It hurts" you choke and Jenny swallows.

"Just come to me (y/n), we'll make it better." She whispers and you turn with a huge effort and put one foot in front of the other.

"That's is (y/n)! Focus on our voices." Calls Missy and you nod hazily. You feel disorientated but still you move, following the noises of their encouragement. 

One step then another, the another and another until you cross an invisible threshold and they grab one arm each. 

You wince and both relax, before Missy calls over your shoulder to The Doctor.

"Now!" And with a rippling sensation you feel the connection cut off, as some kind of force field appears around the flower. 

"Knew I Carried that for a reason" smiles Missy as you blink in confusion.

"Um... where are we? What happened?" You ask with a clear mind for the first time in hours. You remove your arm from their grips and cry out in pain.

"Shit what's that" you gasp, looking down at your almost skinless hand. Your retch drily at the agony and look away.

"We'll sort it soon." Says Missy, holding it gently in her own warm hand.

"It's ok, The Tardis should feel that's its safe to land now that the connection is cut" soothes Jenny and you listen as the magic box does indeed appear.

"If you can't control your pet don't have one" mutters Missy with an eye roll and you almost feel The Doctors' offence. 

You giggle weakly and follow the others back inside, standing bemusedly next to an equally confused Yaz as the ship takes off.


	9. Recovery

You hover in space for the next couple of hours as The Doctor tends to your wounds. 

She hisses when you show her your hand, and she does her best to clean and dress it. At one point she goes to roll up your sleeve and you recoil as though burned. She soothes you but you make her do it with your sleeve down. 

No way are you giving her more ammunition. 

Yaz is mostly fine, with a few bruises from the struggling. Both of you apologise to the others after The Doctor is done with you.

"It's ok babe, I was more scared you were going to hurt yourself." Smiles The Doctor, as Jenny nods, looking at you in concern.

"Yeah believe me, you weren't too hard to pin down." Winks Missy and you blush at her suggestive tone.

"What do you understand of what happened?" Asks Jenny drawing your attention, and you think.

"Well it was a feeling, like we were being pulled towards it. A wonderful feeling at that." Says Yaz and you nod.

"Yeah, I felt no pain when I hurt my hand, I just wanted to reach it, what was it?" You ask The Doctor.

"Some kind of advanced Venus fly trap. It's a natural occurrence in nature, but it was a bit too strong for you humans" she grins and you smile.

"It's not fair, we're up against two and a half time ladies." You say crossing your arms and they laugh at you.

"Well I'm sorry for the trouble" you say, knowing you kept putting everyone at risk.

"It's ok (y/n), but I really wish you would stop wandering off." Smiles The Doctor.

"But just in case you do, I always carry rope with me." Smirks Missy and you choke on the water you just took a sip of, making her laugh as you blush furiously.

"Behave, the pair of you" scolds The Doctor, mouth twitching and you realise the only person not laughing is Jenny. 

She turns to leave and you feel suddenly guilty. You really scared her earlier from the way she called out to you. 

You jump off the bed and follow her out, jogging to catch up.

"I'm sorry Jenny, I shouldn't have scared you like that today, and you know what Missy's like, always inappropriate" you laugh and she stops, turning to smile at you.

"It's ok (y/n), maybe we just weren't meant to be. She makes you happy. I can see that now." She sighs and you feel like you've been punched in the chest.

"What- Jenny no!" You gabble as she shrugs and walks away.

"JENNY!" You scream and she stops. 

"I thought we could have had something (y/n). But it's never going to be me you choose. You deserve someone that make you happy, and that's not me."

"Please Jenny, you do make me happy! You changed for me, I changed so much more for you. This can't be it." You say, tears flowing down your cheeks as you stand alone in the middle of the corridor. You couldn't believe this was happening, it was all so sudden.

"I'm sorry (y/n), I can't keep doing this. When you can tell me it's me, and only me you want, maybe I could." She gazes imploringly at you and you open your mouth, willing the night words out. 

But they refuse to come. 

"That's what I thought" she says softly, and turns, gone from your view within seconds. You drop to your knees and cry, breath hitching as you hold yourself together. 

You whine like a wounded animal but she doesn't come back. Wiping your face roughly you make a realisation you should have made a long time ago. 

This was how it was always went. 

Everyone you touched you hurt. 

Your mother and Abigail proved that. If you went after her now, you would only hurt her more. 

Because what she said was true. You still weren't ready to admit it, but there was someone else whom you couldn't forget, who also made your heart flutter. 

And you hated it.

Sniffling, you drag yourself to the floor, and take the first corridor, searching for your room. You end up in the console room and turn to leave. You end up back on the deck. Scowling, you try again, only for her to bring you right back to the console room again.

"I know what you're doing, cut it out!" You growl, wiping away more tears of frustration.

"(Y/n)? Where's Jenny?" Says The Doctor appearing from the right.

You turn and her face drops as she takes in your tearstained one.

"Sulking is she?" And Missy arriving behind her, and suddenly you feel rage course through your veins like never before. This woman, with her cool stance and ethereal ease was the reason Jenny was hurt. 

You knew deep down it was all your own fault really, but it helped to throw some anger on to someone else in an effort to relieve the guilt.

"Don't" you whisper haltingly, voice shaking. "Don't you fucking say that" you growl and her expression widens.

"Or what my love?" She asks mockingly and you scream in anger, feeling it envelop you.

"This, this is your fault- THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" you scream, throat scratching. She looks confused but certainly not scared. 

You want her to be scared.

"Calm down (y/n), tell us what happened." Says The Doctor in alarm with a hand outstretched to you. 

"A little dramatic dear" winks Missy and that does it. 

You look her in the eye, and focus all the pain and anger you are feeling into a an image of agony, and throw it at her with all your strength, watching as she falls to her knees with her hands over her head. 

A strange sense of power overcomes you, as you squeeze your eyes shut and throw the picture at her.

You stare her down and she begins to scream, as does The Doctor, but in fear.

"What's happening? Missy what's wrong!" She yells, falling to her side and placing an arm round her.

"Stop it! Make it stop!" Missy screams, looking up at you with agony in her brown eyes. The same agony you have felt for years, mixed with grief and anger and sorrow. 

You feel a sharp slap of reality, and you know you are torturing her.

Anxiety clouds you as you try to retract the image of your own pain that you have inflicted on her. 

"I don't know how! Doctor I don't know how to stop it!" You yell, clawing at your hair as your mind throbs. 

Making the connection, she leaves Missy and is at your side in an instant. 

She doesn't hesitate before she puts her fingers to your temples and you drop to the floor, completely unconscious.


	10. Reasons

TW: self harm

"Shit" you mutter as soon as you find consciousness. 

You sit up dizzily and are surprised to find you are still on the Tardis deck.

Looking across you can see The Doctor bent over Missy, checking her anxiously. All the air leaves your lungs as you stumble to your feet and run over, throwing yourself beside her.

"Oh no oh god what have I done?" You whisper, lightly shaking her shoulder.

The Doctor doesn't answer, feeling for both pulses.

"Is she...?" You ask in fear but she shakes her head.

"She's alive, her mind knocked her out to save her from the pain." She mutters without looking up at you. You lean back on your heels and begin to sob silently.

"I'm sorry Doctor I really didn't mean to! I was stupidly angry and it wasn't even her fault." You hiccough but she doesn't respond.

"She'll be alright, I'm going to take her to the medbay." She states simply, getting to her feet and lifting Missy effortlessly. 

Her head lolls and her long eyelashes were shut gently over her eyes. They disappear off to the medbay, leaving you drowning in guilt and self hatred as well as an all consuming fear. 

In a terrified haze of what you were capable of, you turn and walk down the corridor that leads you to your room.

You end up back at the console.

"Listen, I need to do this. My options are self harm or suicide. Pick one, because right now, I'm really not fussy" you threaten. 

A door swings gently open in front of you, and you step into your room. Petty though it may be, you slam your door shut. You march into the bathroom and slam that door too for good measure. 

Throwing yourself to the floor, you pull your blade from behind the tap and roll up your sleeve, only to remember there is a bandage in the way. Furious, you bite it off with your teeth, and gain inspiration. 

Hand shaking from the onslaught of expected pain, you pull down a small bottle of perfume and spray it directly onto the raw skin. 

It burns like fire and you have to bite your other hand to stop from crying out. 

It was nice, but really you needed the blood. 

Pulling up your sleeve to your shoulder with difficulty, you don't hesitate to slice open your arm. 

This time you don't cry, but breathe. 

That's what you needed. You cut again, this one for what you did to Missy, again, this one for hurting Jenny, again, this one for The Doctor always having to pick up after you, again, this one for putting Yaz through constant fear. 

You continue as the reasons build up and up. This one for not protecting your mother like you should have, this one is for letting Abi die, for leaving Georgie, for letting Jay get away with it, for tricking the Tardis. 

You must run out of confessions at some point, but you don't stop until you run out of canvas to paint. 

You lie back, exhausted and drained, but feeling better. It was better this way. Jenny had left you and now Missy would too. They had saved themselves from you. It was agonising relief.

You don't know how long you lie there, blood flowing steadily from your open wounds, hand stinging like you were resting it on hot coals. 

You dissociate from the pain until actual dizziness begins to cloud your vision. 

You are aware some of the shallower cuts have clotted, but the deeper ones still flow freely. 

You lie on the cold tiles just breathing. 

You watch your own defeated life story playing continuously, until it is interrupted by something much more melancholy, followed by a knock at your bedroom door.

"I'm busy" you try to call but all that comes out is a weak gargle. Alarmed, someone enters and raps lightly at the bathroom door. 

You really needed to put locks on both, but you doubt you were trusted. Given your current situation you think it were understandable.

"(Y/n)? Are you in there?" Your heart falters as you recognise Missy's calm voice. 

"Missy" you croak, unable to move.

"Yes it's me, are you ok?" She calls and you blink back tears. 

You tortured her and she was asking if you were ok.

"I'm so sorry Missy" you whisper, but you know her time lord hearing could pick it up.

"(Y/n) can you come out so we can talk?" She tries and you swallow anxiously.

"Um maybe later" you respond, wincing as you try to rise. You make it to your knees before you fall back down, face slapping the floor painfully.

"(Y/n)?" She calls, hammering on the door. "(Y/n) what was that?" She pauses "Come out or I'm coming in!" She threatens and you begin to panic.

"No no don't!" You call dizzily, but you feel the door open as she enters.

"Oh (y/n)" she utters, face crumpling with emotion you didn't know she held. "What have you done"

"I've hurt so many people..." you say with your eyes closed as she seizes a towel and presses it on your arm.

"Shit love you can't do this to yourself, come on, The Doctor'll sort you out" she bends down to pick you up but you shuffle away.

"No please, she'll be so angry" you mutter sleepily and Missy stiffens.

"Not if I have anything to do with it" she vowes quietly, pulling you into her warm chest. 

Despite yourself, you relax against her as she picks you up.

"I'm sorry" you say, closing your eyes painfully. You feel her moving gently down the corridors, at a careful half jog so as not to disturb your injuries too much. "Jenny's going to be angry too" you realise and groan.

"No ones going to be angry my love, we just want you safe" she whispers carefully. She keeps you from feeling too much motion, and you squeeze your eyes shut when you reach the bright lights of the medbay.

"Doctor some help please" says Missy in a voice of forced calm. She takes you right to the far end and lays you gently on a bed. 

Hating yourself, you grab her hand when she pulls away. You let go quickly, but she nods and settles herself into a chair next to you.

"What the hell (y/n)!" Exclaims The Doctor and you flinch.

"Don't, she blames herself for what happened" growls Missy and you close your eyes again.

"(Y/n) can you tell me what happened?" Asks The Doctor in a less hostile voice.

"(Y/n)?" Prompts Missy and you talk with your eyes closed.

"I've hurt so many people" you repeat under your breath. It's the only way to explain it.

"First Jenny, then you Missy, and you too Doctor, always having to pick up the pieces." You say miserably, indicating your massacred arm that she is already cleaning.

"It's alright my love I don't blame you, it was an accident. I don't think you can control it, and to be honest, I was sort of asking for it." Smiles Missy. You can't stand to hear her blame herself.

"And as for us, so long as your alive and well, I really don't mind. You don't half make my job harder, but it's worth it to have you here." Adds The Doctor, anger finally depleted.

"And me? Like I could ever blame you sweetheart." Says Jenny standing in the doorway with a saddened expression.


	11. Master

"Jenny" you breathe and she smiles, but it quickly disappears.

"What happened?" She asks worriedly, watching The Doctor wrap several bandages around your arms.

"The Tardis wouldn't let me through the doors to get real friendly with space" you say with an eye roll and a wince. 

All three women look at you incredulously and you drop your grin.

"Well are you alright?" She asks and you nod reassuringly.

"You came back" you say breathlessly.

"Always, listen I'm sorry, it's just, it's hard to watch someone you- well someone struggle, and I just lost it." She admits ashamedly and your smile returns.

"It's ok, I think I need to apologise for putting you though all that stress honestly" you say and she shrugs.

So long as your safe by the end, that's all that matters." She says and you sigh.

"I do try." You say looking at all three of them. "I'm sorry for what I put you all through." You say with a heavy heart. 

Missy and Jenny jump to reassure you but The Doctor holds back.

"If you really were sorry, you wouldn't keep hurting yourself" she says evenly and everyone goes silent.

"I didn't ask Missy to bring me here" you say and she shakes her head, finishing your bandage.

"I wish you would see your own value (y/n)" she mutters and you lie back and close your eyes. 

Her picture of you as you are at the moment is deep and remorseful, as is Missy's, but you still can't see Jenny. You frown and try to catch anything, finally opening your eyes and staring her down. She looks a little bemused.

"Oh this is ridiculous" you say flopping back.

"What is it?" Asks The Doctor curiously.

"I still can't hear Jenny! At all, she's completely silent." You say and Jenny looks at The Doctor, perplexed.

"Um, why is that?" She asks disconcertingly.

"Eye of the storm maybe? (Y/n) got her abilities from you, maybe that makes you somehow immune?" She therorises, eventually trailing off to think about Yaz. You raise your eyebrows at her and she flushes slightly.

"Ooh Doctor that's a fantastic colour" teases Missy and it feels good to laugh.

"Stop it" she says, blush deepening.

"Anyway" she clears her throat while you all giggle. "It's just a theory, but we could always test it? If you're up for it?" She asks you. You think, slightly worried. Your abilities up until now were just slightly inconvenient or annoying, if insightful. Now however, you could do damage, and that thought scared you.

"It might help you understand yourself better" says Missy softly and you feel she knows exactly what you are thinking.

Resigned to the worst, you nod unsurely.

"Great, off to Cardiff then" says The Doctor, but she frowns when she sees you rising. "No I didn't mean just yet" she says going to put you back.

"(Y/n) she's got a point, much as I hate to admit when she's right." mutters Missy and Jenny nods.

"Oh come on I'm fine, let's go." You say impatiently sliding off the bed.

This would have been a little more convincing if at that moment you hadn't had a sudden dizzy spell and stumbled hitting the wall.

The Doctor pulls you upright, looking ready to pick you up and place you in the bed.

"Just a headrush, I lost a bit of blood" you brush off. Realising none of the women are believing you, you turn and stalk out the medbay. You half expect them to restrain you but are glad when they sigh and follow, meeting a very confused Yaz in the console room.

"Where have you been?" She asks and The Doctor squeezes her hand.

"Nothing to worry about babe" she says smoothly and flicks some dials, shooting you occasional glances. You grab a pillar and hold on with all your strength. Your right arm is sore and basically useless as it hurts to tense, luckily Jenny grabs you several times to stop you from falling, before you land with a huge crash that sends you into her arms. 

You blush and right yourself as she does the same. The Tardis' smug tone is really bothering you. Stupid omniscient blue box. You glare at her when The Doctor passes to open the door.

"She's not wrong" she mutters with a sly grin and you gasp furiously as she laughs, leading Yaz out by the hand. 

You follow them out and step out into... well Cardiff. You've never been but it's the same typical UK setting.

"(Y/n) put this on" says The Doctor, thrusting your long coat at you. You throw it on, finding it covers you well.

"Should I question or no?" Asks Missy, and The Doctor answers.

"Technically (y/n) died, it was far away and more than three years ago but it's better to be safe." She confirms and you see her point. 

Missy looks quietly perplexed.

"Thanks for telling me" she says with a smile which you return.

"Jenny brought me back. It's a long story." You say, gazing at Jenny who looks down at you happily. You really wish you could stop blushing.

At that moment a strong and tall man with brown hair and matching eyes approaches, face lined, and wearing a long military coat of his own. It suits him, but he doesn't look like he's from this century.

"PC Khan" he announces with a cheeky salute "always an honour". She smiles and shakes his hand, so they've met before.

You watch their comfortable reunion carefully, and The Doctor seems genuinely happy to see him, 

"13 looks good on you" he comments. "not quite as sexy as 10 but I appreciate the curves" he adds in a stage whisper, earning himself a perfect eye roll.

"Behave" she sighs with a grin and he smiles, looking over at you three.

He seems relatively safe but your fear of men kicks in, fueled by the fact that you are receiving no hints about what he is thinking. 

His mind is completely silent. 

You take a step back and feel two hands on your back, one from Jenny and one from Missy, steadying you wordlessly.

"Jack this is (y/n) and Jenny." She introduces and he nods in a friendly way, shaking Jenny's hand.

You keep your distance.

"And this is Missy" she finishes. 

He frowns, looking puzzled.

"You'll probably know me better as the Master" she winks.

Looking horrified, he pulls out a gun from his holster and points it squarely in her face.


	12. Jack

TW: assault

"No!" You scream but Missy grabs your hand.

"It's alright my love, we're old friends" she soothes, gun still in her face.

"Doctor she's the master! What are you doing?" He demands at her.

"Everyone calm down, Missy behave, Jack put the gun down, and (y/n), breathe" she says and you make an effort to obey. 

"Missy has changed, she's working hard at leaving the past behind. I expect you to respect that." She tells him sternly. He frowns but lowers the weapon. 

She sticks her tongue out at him and he glares at her.

"Jack!" Someone calls and you see a woman run and stop at his side. She's young with an endearing face and warm brown eyes, and is looking at Jack in concern.

"What's happening, you just disappeared."

"Gwen Cooper" smiles The Doctor and Gwen turns to her suspiciously, then back to Jack, looking between them.

"Is that... is she your Doctor?" She asks unsurely.

"Sure is, had a bit of an upgrade since we last met" he grins and the time lady crosses her arms impatiently.

"You could say that, now, the Tardis needs recharging for a bit" she says and Jack nods.

"I always keep an eye out" he says, it sounds slightly like accusatory. "Wouldn't want to miss you..." he stops and Yaz glares at him.

"Anyway, come on, I've got a few people that might like to meet you" he says, setting off towards a water tower. He stops just in front of it.

"Don't be shy" he says and you all step onto a wide slab, that to your surprise, begins to descend into the ground. 

You want to panic but no one else is so you breathe. 

Jenny slips her hand into yours and you relax slightly. You are lowered into a huge chamber with the water tower going right through the centre. Computer screens flash at you and a glass office overlooks it all. 

You stop with a clunk and everyone steps off, hurrying not to be left behind. 

"Doctor, this is Tosh, Owen and Ianto" he introduces and they nod politely, except one of the men who seems to have a permanent scowl. You keep your eye on him. 

His face is broody and sour, contrasted with the woman's -Tosh- which is stern and methodical. They shouldn't go together but do. 

You wince at the other mans, not realising how used to your Tardis family's' minds you've gotten. This man-Ianto you think- is hurt and confused by the fleeting images you are only just receiving. 

Finally you turn back to Jack and crease your forehead as you try to pick out anything. But like Jenny, he's completely silent. He notices you staring and raises his eyebrows.

"No really, take a picture" he chuckles and you flush. Catching The Doctors' curious eye, you shake your head almost imperceptibly. She doesn't look surprised, and you feel she was somehow expecting this.

"Well if you're staying you can help out" says Jack, eyes still on you.

"I guess we are" responds The Doctor and he claps his hands together.

"Ok, there's a Weevil infestation in the city centre, about twenty of them came through the rift early this morning. We've been preparing since" he says then turns to face the woman. "Tosh, here keeping track" he orders and she begins to type rapidly on a keyboard in front of her. "Ianto search the media for sightings, Doctor and me, Gwen and Jenny, Owen and (Y/n)" he instructs and you wince as one of Owens' thoughts hits you. 

Wildly inappropriate.

"And me Captain?" Says Missy in a mock salute. 

"I'm not letting you out of my sight." He says lightly and she scowls. She raises her eyebrows at you as if to ask if you were alright with this. You don't have time to answer before guns are being handed out, and one is placed in your hand by the silent minded Jack. You tuck it quickly in your pocket and follow this Owen out, knowing it would be confiscated the second The Doctor knew. 

He takes you into a lift and you stay as far away as possible. The others wait at the bottom and you exchange one last glance with Jenny as the doors shut and you rise. 

You come out into a corridor that leades into an office space, then out into the cold evening. You shiver and he approaches but you glare at him and he puts his hands up.

"Suit yourself beautiful" he smirks, opening the door of a black car for you. You step in nervously, keeping him in your eyeline as he gets in the driver side and accelerates unnecessarily hard, slamming you back into the seat. 

You scowl and he smirks some more.

"You're a cheery one aren't you (y/n)" he states, and you actually hiss at him.

"Play nice you two" comes someone's voice from the car and you jump. "You've got a job to do"

Owen presses his earpiece that you hadn't before noticed and digs in the side pocket, pulling out an identical one. He offers it without taking his eyes of the road and you take it cautiously, making sure not to touch him. 

You stick it in your right ear and hold down a button, and instantly pick up Tosh.

"...Owen next left, 20 yards then another left. Keep going until you reach the Starcross Palace. Last reported sighting was down the alleyway opposite" she informs without hesitation, and you have to admire the impressive teamwork as Owen focuses and follows the instructions as they come at perfectly the right time. 

"Got it, thanks Tosh" he says and you sense a different tone to his words. Not happy, but a little calmer. Men.

He slams the brakes but you saw this in his three second warning of a mischievous thought. This time you barely move. He comes round your side and opens the door. You slide out without thanking him and head down the alley, listening to his occasional thought in reference to his movements.

"Kind of romantic, no?" He says and you whip round.

"About as romantic as a Weevil attack" you snap. You didn't know what a weevil was, but you guessed it wasn't a particularly friendly creature.

"What is your problem love, I'm just trying to be nice" he scowls and you match his expression.

"And I'm just trying to tell you I'm not interested" you reply and he smirks.

"Well, I think I could change your mind" he whispers, stepping closer. You know what's coming, and you brace for the inevitable as your heart rate picks up. 

You hit a wall and he puts hands either side of you, trapping you. Panicking, you want to run, but instead you freeze, holding your breath in fear. 

Believing you were agreeing, he presses his lips against yours with a raging force.


	13. Torchwood

TW: mentions of assault

Fear like electricity runs though your body and panic envelops you. 

Blackness threatens to overcome you, but still you can't physically move. 

So you use the only defence you have left. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you force all the fear and rage and panic and grief and sadness from your mind to his. With the physical connection, it was as easy as sliding your hand into his. You feel him release and fall backwards, twitching and reeling. 

That's when the fury hits. 

You add that too, throwing it with all your force into him, making him drown in it. Pressure builds behind your eyes as you throw every bad feeling you've ever had into him in a single agonising moment. It's like drawing poison from a wound. 

Your heads throbs and your eyes ache but there is a sense of power coursing through you at the same time. This was different to what you did to Missy, this time you didn't want to stop.

Never before have you been able to defend yourself, and now you could. No one would ever touch you again. 

But no one would ever want to. 

You see Missy and Jenny turning away, The Doctors' shocked face and Yazs' terrified one. 

These images are enough to make you stop, but only just. 

Pulling yourself from the murky power rush, you blink, taking in your surroundings. Owen lies twitching on the ground, and you gasp at what you've done.

"Owen? (Y/n)? Answer me please! Jack they aren't responding!" Tosh is saying worriedly in your ear.

"Owen pick up, now" comes Jack and you wince at the addition to your headache.

"Let me try, (y/n)? (Y/n) is everything ok? Doctor what do we do!" Says Jenny and you hear mutterings and scufflings as they make a decision. You are unable to talk. Instead you slide your back down he wall and place your head on your knees, weak and ashamed.

"I'm near enough, Tosh where were they last?" Asks The Doctor and she reads off your location.

You hear her voice coming from your mic and the end of the alleyway as her worried thoughts hit you, so it's a surprise when Jack is there too. Of course you couldn't hear him.

"OWEN!" He shouts upon seeing his unconscious form. "What happened? Was he attacked" demands Jack, feeling for a pulse and injuries. You shake your head, eyes burning.

He looks at you then does a double take, stepping back uncertainly. He pulls out his gun and grips it tightly.

"Doctor what is she?" He whispers and you turn to her. Her own eyes are shocked and confused. You look down and catch your reflection in some broken mirror pieces. Your eyes are dark and cold, burning with intensity.

You gasp and trip backwards when Missy comes running down the alleyway then slides to a stop.

"What did he do to you?" She asks quietly and you shake your head.

"She's human! She's human with some extra abilities, I promise she's harmless, this was an accident Jack, she must have felt threatened." The Doctor tries to reason.

"I'm sorry Doctor but you know I have a duty." He apologises, pulling Owen in a fireman's lift over this shoulder. 

"She's a threat." He says, looking you dead in the eyes.

What you don't expect is him to raise a small red gun and fire it right at you. You cry out at the pain, but it's not a bullet. It hits you in the neck and you feel numbness sweep over you. Dizzy and exhausted, the sedative takes affect and you drop to the ground.

* * *

You wake with a pounding headache and sit up slowly on a cold stone cot. You rub your aching temples and squint in the low light. 

Standing, you realise you are in a small cell with three dirty sandstone walls, the last one completely transparent and plastic. You spot your reflection before you can decide not to look, and note that your eyes are back to (e/c). 

This is a small comfort, but you are clearly a prisoner now.

You hear no noise and this scares you. No one is near. Actually that's not right, you can see depressing images which you thought were your own, but then Ianto appears holding a tray.

"I saw you were awake." He offers and you eye him speculatively. "I thought you might be hungry." He says, lowering himself to the floor and sliding the tray through a box. He steps away and you drink the water thirstily.

"Why are you so sad?" You ask curiously, unable to listen to his melancholy thoughts any longer.

"Is it that obvious?" He smiles and you find yourself nodding.

"For what it's worth, Owen had it coming" he says with raised brows. You look away.

"I'm lonely" he says in answer, also looking away.

"By choice" you respond and he looks up, startled. He narrows his eyes, but you know enough. His thoughts only changed around one person.

"Where is everyone?" You ask quickly and he nods upwards.

"Arguing over you." He says and you sit on the floor cross legged.

"What happened?" He asks gently, and you find you struggle to feel threatened by him.

"He kissed me" you say quietly and he raises his eyebrows.

"And what did you do to him?" He asks, sounding as though he dreaded the answer. You happen to look up and spot a red blinking light. So they were listening. Well they could hear this.

"I gave him what I felt." You say expressionlessly. "I gave him guilt and sadness and anger and fear and loss and grief." You say. Ianto doesn't know how to respond. You sigh. "But only a fraction of it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." You say, and you mean it. He nods and gets to his feet, leaving without another word. You sit back and close your eyes. 

"Come on you" says a familiar voice and you race to your feet. "Out you come my love, we've got a lot to discuss." Says Missy sadly and you nod, allowing her to unlock your door and extend her hand into yours.


	14. Reverse

You are aware of Tosh staring at you accusingly as you walk into the main chamber. Gwen looks carefully expressionless. 

Only Yaz and Jenny offer tentative smiles which you don't return. You feel like you're on trial. 

Missy leads you down into a white medical area, where you stop as you spot Owen lying on a table, blank faced but blinking.

"Oh god" you say, hand to your mouth, legs feeling weak as Missy squeezes your other hand tightly.

"Its alright my love, you're not in trouble, we just need your help." She says clearly but you can barely hear her. 

As you look at the man he struggles against his binding and opens his mouth in a drawn out scream.

"I SAID KILL ME, KILL ME!" He bellows and you step back into the wall. 

Previously bent over a screen, The Doctor soothes him fruitlessly as Jack stands a distance away, staring accusingly at you. 

You feel tentative hatred and fear emmnating from Gwen and Toshs' usually mild thoughts, mixed with other feelings you really can't pick out right now.

Missy doesn't blame you, and neither does The Doctor. Her thoughts are carefully focused. She sighs and looks up,

"Ok (y/n) here's the problem." The Doctor says straight and you are grateful she isn't beating about the bush. 

"His mind is restless and in pain. Whatever you did to him, he can't move on. I need you to reverse it" she says gently and you stare at her.

"I don't know how" you say in fear and she nods at Jack as if proving something

"I thought you might say that, and I have a solution. You gave him negative emotions, yes?" She asks as though asking how you take your tea. You nod. 

"Could you try giving him positive ones?" She questions and you look at her blankly.

"I still don't know what I'm doing, it could go wrong..." you say and she nods again understandingly. 

"We really need you to try." She asks and you have to agree.

"Ok... well I'm going to need positive emotion." You start unsurely and she smiles calmly. 

"Lucky for you, I have a supply of positive thoughts." She says which shifts her inner narrative to Yaz of course. 

"Just tell me what to do. Then do exactly what you did before, just in reverse" she soothes and you swallow.

"Ok, come here" you say and she steps forward. You approach a distressed Owen together and you look back at her, scared.

"Think happy" you say, raising your fingers to her temples, as physical contact was apparently more effective. 

She closes her eyes as you rest your fingertips on her warm skin and you feel all other thoughts around you go silent as you are pulled into a world of happiness and peace. 

It feels like a flame in a dark room, for there are definitely things hidden in the corner that she didn't want you to see. 

Focusing, you allow her positive energy to flow through you too, and reach out a hand tentatively towards Owen. 

Missy places your hand on his arm and you push the energy from The Doctor to Owen, using yourself as a beacon. 

The Doctor screws up her face with concentration and you relax into the warm sensation. You haven't felt this sort of peace in a long time. 

Just when you think it's working, you are made aware the connection is loosening, and your eyes snap open as The Doctor collapses forward, caught by Missy at the last moment. Sweeping dizziness envelops you moments after and you too drop, but Jack catches you and lowers you onto the floor next to The Doctor, neither of you able to open your eyes. 

There is a loud and sudden gasp from above, and you can hear Owen panicking as he awakes with Jack soothing him. 

He seems to calm down and regulate his breathing, for his normal broody expression is back, only it's definitely in shock. 

"Come on old friend wake up" says Missy cheerily, and you open your eyes slightly to see her lightly patting The Doctors face. Yaz throws herself to her knees next to the time lady and anxiously strokes her face. 

The Doctor blinks and opens her eyes properly, looking like she had a killer headache. If she felt anything like you, she probably did. 

You meet her eye and she smiles and nods. You lay back before Jenny appears above you, pulling you gently to your feet and wiping dust off you.

"Well that was... interesting" says The Doctor shakily and you nod. 

"Are you ok babe?" Says Yaz and The Doctor smiles, leans across, and kisses her full on the lips.

"Oh get a room" says a disgruntled Missy but you think it's sweet.

"Yeah well I'm glad you lot had fun" says Owen sitting up and catching your eye.

"Owen... I'm sorry, I didn't know that would happen." You say semi-honesty. He rolls his eyes.

"Next time just say you don't want a snog" he says. You exchange brief grins, but you feel someone's thoughts hit you like a wrecking ball, and turn to look.

"Doctor, Missy!" You yell and both The Doctor and Jack tackle a raging Missy to the ground.

"You little... you kissed her... how dare you" she screams underneath her trap. 

Of course, what you weren't able to hear were Jenny's thoughts as she crosses the room and slaps him hard across the face. She then turns on her heel and exits, leaving you all shocked and Owen wincing in fresh pain.

"Stop it all of you!" Yells The Doctor and you are grateful. Owen surely couldn't take any more of this.

They pull Missy out the medbay, leaving you and Owen alone with Tosh and Gwen. Jack arrives back moments later, looking extremely ruffled.

"I'm sorry about that, I didn't know they'd react so badly." You rush and Owen rubs his face.

"You kissed her?" Asks Gwen in disbelief and she looks a little hurt. You are beyond confused, as Tosh does too.

"Well I think he paid for it" says Jack, unbelievably fighting back a smile.

"You told us The Doctor hated violence" he mutters moodily. "Then I get attacked by three women in one day."

"Don't make me make it four" threatens Gwen and you smile a little.

"Is it always like this here?" You ask and Jack nods.

"Get used to it sweetheart." He winks and you roll your eyes.


	15. Apologise

You leave Torchwood on fairly good terms after everything is sorted. 

Stepping back in the box, The Doctor wheels round and stares all of you down. She crosses her arms and taps her foot impatiently. 

Missy snorts quietly and you bite your lip, looking down and trying not to laugh.

"Well?" She demands and Missy looks up.

"Well what?" She asks innocently. You snort and Jenny flicks you on the shoulder telling you to shut up. You bite back your smile and try to be serious.

"You know perfectly well what! (Y/n) I don't blame you, that was an accident but it probably could've been better avoided! As for you two, what the hell was that?" She asks breathlessly and they both frown.

"He kissed her" growls Missy and The Doctor sighs.

"Which was wrong of him, but for both of you to attack him! Missy I thought you were changing, and Jenny, you should know better" she scolds. Jenny looks suitably remorseful but Missy only seems angrier.

"I didn't see you trying to help! Or was (y/n) being assaulted totally fine with you?" She barks and The Doctor looks furious.

"You know for a fact that isn't true, she's one of us. But violence solves nothing" she retorts.

"So we should have let him get away with it should we?" Demands Missy and you feel tension rolling off her like steam. 

"It's ok, I'm fine now Missy, and Doctor she didn't actually hit him" you try to reason quickly.

"Well that's not for lack of trying." Spits The Doctor. 

You've never seen her lose her temper before, and though you didn't want to admit it, she was almost as intimidating as Missy had first been.

"Stop it!" You cry, stepping between them as Missy balls her hands into fists and The Doctor steps forward too.

"You think you're so above it all! But you're not! You let everyone else do the work while you sit back and pretend you're better than us!" Yells Missy, this time Yaz steps forwards.

"Shut up!" She snarls at Missy and The Doctor instinctively pulls her back behind herself for protection.

"I mean it, stop it both of you!" You shout but both ignore you.

"I really thought you had moved on! I guess you're just the same person, if not worse, for making me believe you'd changed." Snaps The Doctor and you flinch, really scared now. Missy looks absolutely fuming. "(Y/n) come here" says The Doctor firmly but you don't move. "(Y/n) get out of the way, now" hisses Missy as she moves closer, grabbing your wrist and yanking you out the way.

"Don't you touch her!" says Jenny and now you're really panicking. Missy snarls and you try to escape but she has a strong hold on you.

"Missy stop it!" You squeak as she grips you harder, really starting to hurt now. The pain changes to panic and you use the only defence you have left. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you force a single image into their minds, of being hit with a powerful black field between them. Missy and The Doctor drop to the floor in shock, Missy releasing you just moments before. 

You stumble and straighten to see Missy get to her feet and stomp out the console room. Looking over you can see The Doctor still on the deck. You rush over but Yaz is there, glaring at you furiously.

"I'm sorry Doctor I didn't know what else to do!" You say, as she rubs the back of her head.

"It's ok (y/n)" she mutters, pulling her coat around her. She gets unsteadily to her feet and looks at you intensely. Ashamed you look down at your feet. She sighs. 

"Leave her to settle down, it's ok babe I'm fine I promise." She adds to a very concerned Yaz.

You shake your head then exit off to your room. You were angry and ashamed and still a little scared. You had never seen either of them like that before.

You stop outside your room, seeing someone waiting there. Its Missy, and she looks up at you with sorry eyes. Unsure, you take a step forward, and she gives you a weak smile.

"I'm really sorry about that (y/n)" she says calmly and you blink.

"No it's ok, sorry for putting that on you" you reply.

Her smile drops and she looks at you shrewdly.

"How can you deal with that, all day, every day?" She asks quietly and you shuffle your feet.

"It gets easier, and it's worth it to hear some things." You reply, unconsciously gripping your bruised wrist. 

She shifts alarmingly, hand outstretched, and you flinch. She stops and looks at you reassuringly before taking your hand in hers and gently rolling up the sleeve. You try to pull away when she rolls it further, and she stops, understanding. Gently, she squeezes your wrist and you wince, looking away.

"I hurt you" she says blankly. "I'm so sorry" her voice cracks, followed by your heart.

"It's fine, it doesn't hurt, you didn't realise-" you begin and she cuts you off.

"I don't need you to make excuses, this is my fault" she says quietly. She straightens, "Come on, I want The Doctor to check this out." She says, holding you wrist steady and pulling you gently with her other arm around your shoulder. You breathe in her warm scent and feel instantly safe. She walks you right into the medbay where she sits you down then turns to leave.

"No wait!" You cry suddenly and she turns. "Sorry" you mutter and she smiles sadly. 

"I'll be one minute." 

Your anxiety is so high at being left here that you count the seconds, and she is actually a lot less than a minute. You breathe when she walks in, followed by an incredulous Doctor.

"Missy says you're hurt" she begins worriedly and you glare at Missy who looks away innocently.

"I'm not, she's being dramatic" you scoff. The Doctor raises her eyebrows and reaches for your wrist. 

Admitting defeat, you hand it over where she inspects it. You are relived to feel from an image that her mind is quiet and content.

"You've made up then" you say into the silence.

"Maybe there are more important things than squabbling with a blonde clown." Says Missy with an attempt at a smile and you giggle.

The Doctor rolls her eyes and smiles.

"It's just bruised, I'll wrap it for support and give you some painkillers then you can go to bed" she smiles and you nod. She begins rolling up your sleeve and you pull away, hissing. 

"(Y/n) please" she says, and you look away as she wraps over the raised cuts on your arm. She pats it softly and steps back where you feel her eyes filled with only concern. Suddenly you feel bad. You really do make her life hell.

"I'm sorry Doctor" you say and she looks up with a tired smile. "I really do appreciate everything you do, and everything you've done for me. I truly don't think I'd still be here without you." You finish.

"So long as you hold your part of the deal, you can stay here as long as you want." She replies, finally breaking into a true smile.


	16. Threat

You look down at your arm, expecting the worst. All day it's been burning under your sleeve, which you roll up tentatively. 

It's been over a week since Missy hurt your wrist, and surely it should be all healed by now. You look down and read.

Quiet. 656-283-927. Alone or I kill her.48.

You blood runs cold as you read the words inscribed on your skin over and over until you know them by heart. 

They are raised red sore letters, and you don't dare touch them. 

Panicking, you recognise these are coordinates. And it looked like you were going to have to follow them. 

You read the last part again and feel the urge to throw up. 

Her could be anyone on this ship, and you didn't want to find out whom. You had very little choice in the matter, but no one else would get hurt for you.

One thing you were certain of however, this had nothing to do with any of your previous injuries. 

You pull on a long sleeve top after memorising the coordinates and take a deep breath. This was going to be difficult. 

That's when you remember the gun you took from Torchwood. Slipping it from it's hiding place under your mattress you tuck it in your pocket with your hand resting on it. 

You actually had had a very different intention when you took it, but this would have to do.

In a dream state, you pull open your bedroom door and walk to the console room. You knew what this meant, whoever wanted you was serious, and you couldn't bring yourself to say goodbye. 

You walk to the console, Tardis reflecting your anxiety unhelpfully.

"It's ok old girl, I have to do this" you whisper before entering the console room. You half hoped it would be empty, but there stand all four women, chatting casually. 

You consider trying at a later time but know your nerve and adrenaline high won't hold out. You swallow desperately.

"(Y/n)! Ok where are we going?" Bounces The Doctor and you stare at her, absorbing the last of her features.

"Um...coordinates 656-283-927" you say and everyone looks at you in surprise.

"Any particular reason?" Laughs Missy and you shake your head. 

"Please" you say and her smile falters.

"That's in the Forgio galaxy, are you sure?" Asks The Doctor carefully and you nod, working hard to stand still, trying to be nonchalant. 

"Yes there's something I want to see" you lie.

She eyes you doubtfully before you start moving. 

You're glad, for you need something to take your mind off what you're about to do. Throughout the flight everyone shoots you curious looks but you work to keep your face blank, dreading the moment that was so imminent. 

You land with a thump and The Doctor steps towards the doors. You reach them first and turn and face the group.

"Just me" you say seriously, already shaking and The Doctor frowns.

"It's alright (y/n)" she says and you shake your head in defeat.

"No Doctor, it really isn't" you say, pulling the gun from your pocket and pointing at the woman's face. She looks startled but doesn't shift.

"Ok (y/n) what's going on" she says as Missy approaches too.

"Just me" you repeat. "Or I swear I'll shoot" you say, throwing as much venom into your voice as possible. 

You needed them to know you were serious.

"(Y/n) love put down the gun." Says Missy warily, and you point it at her face next. Your heart breaks a little as she raises her hands.

"This is what's going to happen. I'm going to step out those doors and you are going to fly away. I will kill anyone who tries to follow me." You say, voice hitching.

"(Y/n) who's making you do this, we can help." Says The Doctor seriously, and you shake your head desperately.

"I mean it, just me" you raise your voice.

"You won't hurt us." Says Missy carefully, stepping closer, arms still raised, and you know she's right.

"(Y/n) please" whispers Jenny and you point it at her next.

"You're right" you realise, lowering the barrel slightly, looking into her eyes. "I could never hurt any of you." You whisper with a weak smile, and raise it to your own temple instead.

"Now let me go" you say unblinkingly. "You know sure as fuck I will Doctor." You say to her and she senses the danger and truth in your words. You are exhausted and stressed and scared. You probably would.

"Ok" she says at last. "Ok" she repeats. "We'll leave you." She says quietly and you nod.

"But tell us first what is going on" she says and you know you aren't getting out of this one. You owe her this at least.

You eye her and she refuses to back down, so eventually you lower the gun slightly and roll up your sleeve. 

Her expression of tentative confusion turns briefly to rage, settling on concern.

"How?" Missy asks in a whisper once they've all read it and you've dropped your sleeve in shame.

"It just appeared" you say and The Doctor nods. 

Then, in a single instant she points her sonic at your hand and you feel the weapon pulse and break. You drop it with a shriek and she kicks it away.

"No please you promised! What are you doing? They're going to hurt-" you stop suddenly, as does The Doctor. You still didn't know whom it was referring to.

"I'm sorry (y/n) but I won't let someone threaten you. Chances are it's someone on this ship they mean. I'll keep them safe, I promise." She says staring at you sincerely. 

Sensing your doubt she widens her eyes.

She looks briefly at Yaz, and you know she won't let any harm come to anyone here.

Finally you nod and she breathes out.

"Right, we're leaving" as she says it the doors click locked behind you. Half of you still wants to leave and you step a little closer.

"We can't let you do this" says Missy softly and Jenny approaches warily.

"You're too precious, you're not putting yourself at risk for us" says Jenny and you look down as The Tardis takes off.

You knew, and maybe they did too, that the her was likely one of the two of them. 

Well then, you simply couldn't let them out of your sight.


	17. Check

"I'm sorry but I don't know what to do" mutters The Doctor inspecting your arm. 

It throbs painfully under her touch, and you watch her run her fingers over the raised scars from your past. Well, not that past.

"It's under your skin, I think it might just fade" she confirms, giving you back your arm that you quickly cover up with your sleeve. The less seen, the better. 

She sighs and looks at the others whom you made come with you. You were serious when you said you weren't letting them out of your sight. Missy was easier to keep track of because you could just tune into her head with some effort, but Jenny was silent as ever.

"I'll wrap it just to reduce irritation." She says, and you roll back up your sleeve hesitantly. She wraps and ties it, and you are slightly happier with it covered at least.

"Right, bed I think" she says with an attempt at a smile. She must know you can see the worry in her eyes for she doesn't hold it for too long. Against your better judgment you head to your room, escorted by both Jenny and Missy.

"Goodnight (y/n)" smiles Jenny but you can find no lightness in the situation.

"You tell me the second something feels off or weird. Ok?" You rush out in worry, and they both nod, looking troubled. 

"Just... stay safe" you mutter before heading in. It is almost unbearable to let them out of your sight. It won't be long though, you think, setting a timer for every hour. You will keep them safe.

* * *

You wake screaming and thrashing, bedcovers all around you, sweat pouring down your face. You slap your alarm that pulled you from the murky depths of your nightmare and gasp, trying to catch your breath. 

You just watched Missy and Jenny get tortured into insanity, and right now, that was close to how you felt. You stumble in the dark and out your door, The Tardis guiding you down the right corridors until you reach an oak one. 

Listening, you hear only silence. So Missy was asleep. 

You breathe and cover your mouth lest you wake her, but as it happens her door opens seconds later and there she stands in shorts and a t-shirt. Blushing and looking anywhere but at her legs, you blink furiously.

"Sorry Missy I didn't mean to wake you, I just needed to make sure..." you trail off, scared she might be angry. Her expression is only lightly amused.

"That's ok my love, I'm perfectly alright" she confirms and you nod, hands on knees.

"Would you like me to come with you to check Jen?" She offers and you don't fight the nod. She smiles and slips out the door, pulling you along all the way to another oak door. 

You can't hear her but you try not to panic. You are about to crack open the door when it too swings open, revealing an equally scarcely dressed Jenny, also wearing a worried frown.

"God you guys can be quiet when you want to" you gasp, taken aback.

"Sorry (y/n) we are pretty light sleepers, is something wrong?" She asks with a concerned smile.

"I think she had a nightmare" answers Missy and you nod, feeling breathless.

"Breathe love" she adds as she watches you struggle. 

You take some deep breaths and begin to feel marginally better. You hold a thumb up from your slightly bent over stance, then straighten to meet their worried gazes.

"Sorry I won't wake you again, go back to sleep, it was just a dream" you say, putting as much stability into your voice as possible.

"You're not going back to sleep, are you?" Asks Missy suspiciously, and Jenny turns to you expectantly.

"No it's fine, I slept enough really, I'll just keep an eye out" you say, then smile. "Or a mind out". 

You might be delirious from the panic. 

Jenny and Missy exchange looks then Jenny smiles warmly.

"Would you like us to stay with you?" Missy asks.

"It might stop you worrying if we're nearby" adds Jenny and you pause, looking at them both.

"We've had enough sleep, really we don't need nearly as much as you." Smiles Missy comfortingly and you feel your heart lift.

"Well if you're sure..." you say, feeling guilty.

"Of course, come on, if we get tired we can sleep on your couch" says Jenny, closing her bedroom door behind her.

You lead them back to your room where Missy picks up your bedding from the floor and puts it on the marvellous four poster you've never used.

"You're not sleeping down there, come on" she encourages but you don't move. 

"I don't sleep in double beds alone." You say, then blush, realising how that sounds. "I didn't mean it like that!" You add but Missy just laughs.

"You heard her Jen, not alone" she smirks and you feel the ground disappear from beneath your feet as Jenny picks you up into her arms and tips you onto the bed while you shriek in alarm. 

Missy rolls in on your right, while Jenny follows you on your left. You should be panicking, and at first you do, but pretty soon you can't resist but relax between their warm bodies.

"Sleep now (y/n)" whispers Missy and you breathe freely. 

It's hard not to touch either of them being so close, but as the temperature seems to drop- courtesy of a rather mischievous Tardis, you think- you find yourself snuggling into their warmth, sandwiched comfortably. 

Occasionally you lift your head to check they're both safe and sound, Missy smiling comfortingly every time she notices you looking, but Jenny is asleep pretty quickly. 

You close your eyes and allow yourself to sleep too.


	18. Sick

TW: slight gore

"-No she had a nightmare, she's worried sick." Says Missy quietly.

"She's been restless all night, even muttering at some point." Adds Jenny and you scrunch your face slightly.

"I'm surprised she allowed you both near her" says another voice; The Doctor.

"I don't think she's going to let either of us out of her sight for too long until that fades." Chuckles Missy.

Someone touches your forehead lightly with the back of their fingers and you groan slightly, waking slowly.

"She's very warm, you know you two shouldn't stay too close physically, you'll overheat her" says The Doctor.

"Actually we did think of that- only every time we tried to give her space she gripped us tighter."   
Says Jenny fondly, and you notice one of your legs is wrapped around Jenny's, and the opposite hand is clenched around Missys t-shirt. 

You can't bring yourself to let go.

"How's her arm? Has it been bothering her?" Asks an amused Doctor.

"I don't think so, do you think she'll wake up if we have a look? I don't want to panic her" says Jenny worriedly.

"I need to check it anyway, I'll be quick" says The Doctor, slowly picking up your arm and unwrapping it. 

You groan lightly and she pauses then continues gently. There is a sharp intake of breath when she removes it fully and you feel the cold air stinging.

"Oww!" You shriek, sitting up suddenly.

"It's ok my love you're ok!" Says Missy hurriedly as you panic at everyone around you. Instinctively, you look down at your arm and dry retch. It's red raw and shiny like a burn, and the letters have spilled through the skin, oozing blood and pus. 

Gagging, you stumble off the bed past Jenny and run to the bathroom, where you throw up in the toilet, then sit, shivering, freezing cold.

"Oh god" says Jenny running behind you. You lean back on the bath and close your eyes, feeling horrendous.

"Doctor what do we do?!" she says in horror as you groan in pain, then wrap your arms tightly around your legs.

"(Y/n) whats bothering you? Is it your arm?" Asks The Doctor and you try to speak.

"C-c-c...Cold" you shiver and Missy immediately bends down and engulfs you in her body heat.

"Get her back into bed" says The Doctor seriously and you feel Missy pull you to your feet, where you stand swaying slightly, until you fall back down again in a dead faint.

You open your eyes obediently as someone calls your name and you see three faces swimming above you as you lie on the bathroom floor.

"What- what happened?" You ask, trying to get your eyes to focus.

"You're not very well my love" responds Missy anxiously, leaning down and slipping her hands underneath you. With no strength, your limbs flop uselessly and you can barely hold your head up. The Doctor notices and holds it up for you as Missy carries you gently back to your bed.

"It hurts" you mumble and someone applies something cold to your arm. You shiver and tuck into Missy who joins you back on the bed, where you curl up tightly, only your arm held by The Doctor left exposed. 

Jenny pulls the duvet back over you, but you are still freezing.

"Doctor what do you think it is?" Asks Missy in a low voice, holding you securely.

"I think it's a ticking time bomb. Look." She says and you open your eyes slightly to see what she's looking at.

"Wasn't that... didn't it say 48 yesterday?" Inquires Jenny. True, you must have read it a hundred times, but now it read 24.

"I think it's counting down, and she's only going to get worse as it progresses" say the Doctor gravely and you know she's right. You groan softly and Missy looks down at you.

"Missy and Jenny?" You mumble quietly and Jenny strokes your cheek.

"We're fine, and you're going to be too" she says determinedly and you feel her pull away.

"Don't go!" You exclaim weakly and she pauses.

"Actually it might be better if you stay, try and keep her calm, the stress isn't helping" says The Doctor and Jenny sinks back onto the bed where she sits with one leg dangling off.

"I'm going to get some medicines that might help, don't let her go back to sleep just yet." Says The Doctor, and catches their expressions. "We'll figure this out." She says softly, but you don't think anyone in their room believes her. 

"Remember she can hear your worry, it's a paradox, more she hears you stress, the more it will impact her." Says The Doctor lowly and you feel Missy's thoughts attempt to shift a little lighter. It doesn't help much. 

The Doctor leaves and returns ten minutes later with some food and medicine, which she tries to feed you. You turn your head away and scrunch your face, trying to burrow back under the covers.

"Oh no you don't" says Missy peeling back the covers. "Come on, you've got to keep your strength up." She chuckles lightly, and brings a spoonful of the food to your lips. You push them together and turn your head away, and she sighs. 

"Try some water" suggests Jenny, and this time you allow a little bit of drink.

The Doctor tries to give you medicine but you turn at that too.

"(Y/n) it might help." She says, sighing when you don't respond. "Missy?" She asks and the time lady nods, then pinches your nose lightly. You gasp and open your mouth and The Doctor takes the opportunity to tip the sweet tasting stuff down you throat. 

You cough and gag but they hold your mouth shut until you've swallowed. You scowl and Missy laughs.

"Sorry my love" she says, kissing you lightly on the forehead. You relax and curl back up, ready to sleep. 

They continue to mutter quietly but you are exhausted and warm. 

You don't try to fight the wave of lethargy that pulls you under.


	19. Left

You spend the next few hours between asleep in pain, and awake in even more pain.

When you finally wake up for good, you have no sense of time, and struggle to open your eyes at all. 

Your arm feels like it's on fire and you spend a long time with your face screwed up in agony trying not to sob audibly. 

Feeling weak is an understatement, if you felt like eating you wouldn't have had the strength to chew, and Missy and Jenny have to take turns carrying you to the bathroom to use it and throw up respectively. 

You reach such a feeling of cold you need either time lady with you at all times.

"Doctor this is ridiculous, we're just waiting for her to get worse!" Bursts Missy several hours later.

"What do you want me to do?" Sighs The Doctor tiredly re-wrapping your swollen and bleeding arm. 

You whimper quietly and Jenny squeezes your other hand.

"I think you know" she says and The Doctor pauses.

"If we go, we are risking her life even more." She replies carefully.

"And if we stay, we're watching her get worse, and then what?" Chimes in Jenny and you wince at the harsh tones.

"I think we should do it" says Yaz quietly. You didn't know she was even there. Missy shifts triumphantly, and you know the blonde won't deny Yaz.

"Fine, wrap her up and bring her to the console room." Says The Doctor, turning on her heel to leave. 

You feel warm hands pull you from Missy and you gasp.

"No... not going... risk them" you mumble desperately and Jenny sighs.

"I'm sorry (y/n) but we have too, I promise we'll all be safe" she soothes, as she leans you against Missy and wraps extra blankets around you on top of your joggers and hoodie. 

Still you shiver, until Missy lifts you into her strong arms and carries you like a baby out the door. The Tardis warms its interior but still your teeth chatter, and you know your lips are blue when Jenny runs a gentle finger across them and they tingle at the warmth. 

You feel the ship take off, Missy holding you steadily as The Doctor types in the coordinates. You land with a thump and you open your eyes slightly as you are carried out the door, behind The Doctor and Yaz, followed by Jenny. You whimper in fear and Missy squeezes you gently.

"I did actually say come alone" says an annoyed female voice and you try to locate it. It sounds slightly familiar.

"Well you didn't leave us much choice when you nearly killed her" says The Doctor impatiently. 

"It doesn't matter, leave the girl and go" she says carelessly and you follow the source of the voice. 

It's a beautiful statuesque woman with long bracken hair and Doe eyes. She is pale as the moon with perfect skin, hair down to her waist, and a stunning figure. She has bare feet, and is dressed simply in a white gown which complements her fair skin perfectly.

"Vampire" you mutter and Missy looks down at you in surprise.

"Do you know her?" She asks quietly but The Doctor answers.

"We've met" she says shortly. No doubt she was also remembering the horrible time this woman had almost drained your blood at a mansion many years ago. You had been saved by a friendly alien who had warned she might return.

"Leave the girl and go" she repeats, with slightly more venom in her voice.

"What have you done to her?" Demands The Doctor and the woman smiles serenely.

"Such wonderful blood, I couldn't lose it that easily. I left a little time bomb in her bloodstream. Five years pass and I haven't tasted her, she will be brought right back." She answers.

"You've poisoned her" says Jenny in a voice of shaking disbelief. "Well we're not handing her over, you'll have to go through us first." She threatens. The woman only laughs.

"That's the best part, you don't have a choice." She grins and you shiver. "I have the only antidote in my venom. It's a fair exchange. You allow me her blood, and I give her the antidote." She finishes confidently with a light laugh.

Everyone freezes. The Doctor turns and looks at the woman.

"We allow you some of her blood. Some, and you give her the antidote?" She confirms cautiously and the woman nods serenely.

"Doctor you can't really be considering this!" Hisses Missy and The Doctor looks down at you sadly.

"Look at her Missy. I don't know what will happen if she doesn't get the antidote, but I really don't want to find out." She whispers, and Missy grips you tighter.

"No! I- We promised her! I won't let you! FUCK YOU!" She screams making you whimper more. She stops and looks down at you with tears brimming.

"Missy" says Jenny and you feel her turn slightly. "I love her as much as you do, but this really is the only way." Says Jenny carefully.

"No you don't." Replies Missy. "There's no way you can match how I feel" she whispers, then kisses you lightly on the forehead.

"You'll take only enough to sustain yourself?" She demands with a breaking voice at the vampire who nods. 

Missy sighs and walks forwards a pace, then another. She kneels and lays you gently on the floor where you try to regrip her.

"Be strong my love" she whispers, and you have to let go as she steps back. You turn your head to see all four women looking at you some distance away, with mixed expressions of grief, anger and sadness.

"Missy?" You mumble, confused as to why she was leaving you. She simply shakes her head.

"Jenny?" You whisper next who looks tortured but still doesn't come.

"Doctor... please" you say looking her in the eye as best she can.

"I'm sorry (y/n)" she whispers as Yaz squeezes her hand. 

You begin to sob, alone and afraid, not understanding why they were leaving you.

"Please my love, you're breaking my hearts" Missy whispers. 

You close your eyes, until you're attention is seized by hard needles behind jammed hungrily into your neck, making you shriek in surprise, and struggle fruitlessly against the vampires' strength. 

You gasp desperately as you lose blood and feel your expression go foggy, eyes drooping sleepily, feeling pain building in your veins as you open your mouth to call for help that you now know won't come.


	20. Choice

You shriek as you feel the blood leaving your body, but still notice something else, a sensation like cold liquid being poured into your very veins.

Your blood is being replaced with another substance, which you guess is the antidote. You try to roll away but strong hands pushes on your throat and you cough as your air is cut off too. 

You gasp and choke, begging someone, anyone to help. You think you can hear sobbing somewhere not far off, but your attention is diverted to trying to get air into your demanding lungs. 

Eventually you become so weak you can no longer struggle, trying to ignore the piercing pain in your neck and pressure on your chest.

"That's enough!" Someone shouts but the vampire is hooked on your blood. You know she isn't letting go.

You suddenly feel the pressure lift as her body weight is removed, and she is quite literally thrown across the floor.

"Did it work? Is she ok?" Demands a desperate Jenny, and you feel hands scrabble on your chest and neck. 

"I think so, take her inside, where's Missy? MISSY NO!" The Doctor shouts, and you hear a loud gunshot ring through the room. There is a thump as though someone kicked another, then some snarling from Missy as The Doctor drags her away.

Jenny's warm arms appear underneath you and you are lifted up to her chest where she looks at you anxiously then sets off at a jog back to The Tardis.

"Take her straight into the medbay!" Gasps The Doctor, and you sense the rapid movement of her struggling with a raging Missy.

"Stop it! Let's go!" Shouts the blonde and you hear the doors slam behind you. 

"She could've killed her!" Screams Missy as the ship takes off. Jenny carries you down the corridors to the medbay where she lowers you onto a bed. She pulls away and takes your hand, sitting on a nearby chair. 

"You're ok now, you're going to be ok" she whispers hurriedly, and you feel she may be saying it just as much for her own benefit as yours. You don't like to admit it, but right now, with her rage echoing off the Tardis walls, you are quite afraid of Missy.

The Doctor returns shortly and you feel her poke and prod, sticking needles in your arms and patching up your neck. You are finding it difficult to breath, and she places a plastic mask over your face which helps quite a bit. 

Relaxing, you close your eyes and doze lightly, every inch of your body feeling like it been recently hit by a car.

The sound of footsteps makes you open your eyes slightly, the mask blocking your vision annoyingly.

"Is she ok?" Says Missy, and you can't help but flinch at her touch.

"What's wrong with her?" Asks Missy, gaging your reaction.

"I think you scared her" replies Jenny curtly and Missy scowls.

"I saved her, I killed the vampire bitch" says Missy coldly.

"Yeah which helped a lot, killing someone in front of a girl with trauma. Probably your best idea yet."

"I did it for her. And I didn't see you trying to fight her of!"

"That's not fair, we both did as The Doctor said!" Replies Jenny in a raised voice.

"And you didn't even argue! You left her lying there without a second thought!" Shouts Missy back.

"She has been traumatised, and you decided to beat the shit out of someone right in front of her!" Exclaims Jenny.

"While you took the opportunity to run off and take her alone! You're just scared because you're insecure she won't choose you!"

"Don't you fucking dare, you know we decided to let her choose, and like she would pick you anyway! The Doctor told me what you've done! She begged me not to tell (y/n) and I agreed, but maybe she should know just how dangerous you are!"

"I'm dangerous? You broke the laws of time to bring her back, you can't be trusted!"

"Clearly that shows just how much I love her!" Bellows Jenny, finally losing her temper completely.

"Yet you weren't the one she chose! I was there the day you broke her heart, and she came to me instead. You lost your chance."

"FUCK YOU!" Screams Jenny, on her feet, red in the face.

"You failed to keep her safe, you failed to protect her from everything that tried to kill her, including herself! She deserves better! Than either of us!" Shouts Missy back and they both go quiet.

"She deserves better..." repeats Jenny, then turns on her heel as The Doctor runs in.

"What the hell is all that noise?! (Y/n) needs peace and quiet- go!" She tells Missy and with a scowl she exits.

You groan and shake your head as The Doctor pulls   
your mask off.

"Steady now, how do you feel?" She asks softly and you begin to sob.

"Hey hey I know that was scary, but you're safe now." She says, squeezing your hand then letting go.

"They were fighting" you sob incoherently and The Doctor looks at you sympathetically.

"They hate each other, and it's all my fault." You whisper and she tenses.

"They don't hate each other, and they certainly don't blame you. They both care about you a lot, and are finding it difficult." She explains.

"What's difficult?" You ask.

"Well they're waiting for you to choose." She says slowly and you lie back, thinking.

"Choose?" You repeat and she raises her eyebrows.

"You seriously haven't noticed?" She says trying to lighten her tone. "The way their first thoughts are always of you, constantly jealous when the other is near, the way they act when you're in any kind of danger. (Y/n) do I have to spell it out for you?" She jokes and you look at her in confusion.

"But I don't want to choose" you say. "Oh god I'm hurting them both by not choosing, Doctor what do I do?" 

"I think, you're going to have to decide." She says carefully and you look up at her.

"I can't" you say, a tear rolling down your cheek. "I really can't. I don't want to lose either of them!" She looks down at you in pity.

"Then you're going to have to tell them that, at least." She says and you look away, knowing she's right.


	21. Two

Several hours later you leave the medbay to find   
Missy and Jenny. 

You don't know where to look so decide to start at the console room. 

Along the way The Tardis takes up thrums of encouragement which you to try to listen to, whilst thinking you've no idea what you're going to say when you do eventually see them. 

At first you think it's empty, but then you notice Missy sat with her legs dangling out The Tardis doors with a hunched back. Suddenly she looks very small, not at all the powerful time lady you had grown to rely on.

"Missy?" You say tentatively and she looks back to you with a weak smile.

"You look better" she says as you sit down next to her, careful to avoid contact still. Touching her leg lightly with yours however, you see her mind is only full of you. She would never hurt you.

"I'm fine, but I don't think you are," You say.

"I'm alright my love, it was just hard seeing you today, having to leave you there for her to- " she stops and takes a deep breath.

"I just want you to promise never to scare me like that again. The way you regard your life. I don't think you're suicidal, but you're not careful with it, and you need to be. It is so, so precious" she says, looking out into space.

"I'll try" you say and she smiles weakly, looking back into the galaxy.

"I heard you and Jenny. What did she mean when she said you'd done things?" You ask quietly. 

Her lonely smile falters.

"You don't really know me (y/n)." She says after a moment of silence. She looks at you and seems to decide something on the spot.

"I was always the bad guy. I spent all my life causing havoc and destruction- and I loved it. I would burn planets for my entertainment, or to watch the pretty shapes the smoke made. The Doctor -their last face- offered me their hand in forgiveness. I failed, but I'm trying." She sighs. "And then I met you." She says with surprising bitterness. "And I couldn't try anymore. It wasn't a matter of effort, I had to do this. I had to keep you safe, because I couldn't bear the alternative." She looks at finally and you see fire burning behind her eyes. "It would have been so easy, to turn back, to betray The Doctor, but I couldn't leave you behind. I couldn't show you who I really was. I am a coward." She says, closing her eyes slowly.

"You are many things Missy. But you are not a coward." You say with feeling. "You tried, and for that I am grateful, because if you had turned away, I never would have met you." You say with a smile. Until it fades. "But it's not that easy." You say, looking away. 

"Jenny" she nods. You don't need to answer. 

"I'm sorry I have to see if she's ok" you explain and she smiles. 

"Of course" she says and you turn to leave. Only someone is stood right behind you.

"Oh" you say, bumping right into Jenny.

"Sorry I was coming to look for you, are you ok?" She asks, peering round you at Missy.

"Yes it's fine, I need to talk to you." You say and she nods.

"I was just leaving" mumbles Missy and she stands and exits. You reclaim your space, and Jenny settles beside you.

"You don't half give me anxiety." She smiles and you nod guiltily. 

"Yeah sorry about that, I do try to be careful, trouble just seems to find me." You say and she chuckles.

"(Y/n)?" She says, suddenly serious, and you look at her expectantly.

"I think you should choose Missy." She says, uttering the last words you would ever expect her to say. 

Immediately you panic.

"Listen to me" She says, watching you face. "There are certain things she can give you, that I never could" she says with a weak smile and you look down.

"Like what?" You respond in a high pitched voice. You swallow.

She raises her eyebrows as though trying to convey something obvious, but you remain perplexed.

"(Y/n) I'm ace" she says, and you absorb this.

"Oh" you say then think. "Well, that really doesn't matter to me." You respond. "There's much more to a relationship than just physical attraction." You say and she sighs.

"I couldn't give you everything you deserved, not just this, she could keep you so much safer." Says Jenny, fluffy brown hair falling over her face. 

You push it back and she relaxes temporarily, before straightening.

"(Y/n), I really like you. And that's never going to change. But it's just not going to work." She says with passion, looking you in the eyes. "I'm sorry" she says and gets to her feet. 

She is gone within seconds, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You begin to cry quietly at the injustice of it all. 

It seemed to be all you've done in the last couple of days was cry and feel sorry for yourself.

Neither of them thought themselves good enough for you, yet you were the selfish one, the one who harms herself to relieve her pain, who let her sister die, who cheats and betrays and lies and allows others to take advantage of her. 

You hear Missy's footsteps, far away until she is here, pulling you into her side where you relax and sob into her shoulder. She doesn't say anything, only holds you tightly and allows you to grieve the loss of Jenny.

"I'm going to keep you safe (y/n)" she says after a while and you hiccough quietly. "I will." She says. "You may not want it, but I can't lose you now, and you need to know. You're too pure, and too good." She says and you descend back into silence.

You watch the universe beneath you swirl and glow.


	22. Guard

You walk with Missy silently back to room, knowing you had just missed an opportunity to tell her how you felt, but it couldn't be helped, not with Jenny still in the forefront of your mind. 

You sigh when you reach your door, and feel a sudden rush of adrenaline as you realise what will definitely help. You turn to say Goodnight. Slightly buzzed from what is coming shortly. 

God you were fucked up.

Missy eyes you suspiciously, and your smile falters.

"(Y/n)... don't do anything stupid." She says and your smile drops completely. "I know what you're thinking, and it's a bad idea." She warns and you ignore her.

"Goodnight Missy" you say stepping in without looking her in the eye.

"I need you to promise me (y/n), that you'll be safe now. Promise me." She says sincerely.

"I-" you start, but fail to finish. You can't lie to those shining brown eyes that always think the best of you. 

Only you can't think like that anymore.

"That's what I thought. Well I'm not leaving you alone at any rate." She replies curtly, stepping in. You scowl and she smiles.

"It's none of your business." You mutter sulkily and she frowns in concern.

"Too precious" she repeats from earlier. "And not on my watch." She climbs on top of your duvet and crosses one leg neatly over the other as you stand with crosses arms. 

She pats beside her and you stalk into the bathroom. 

Almost causally, she smiles and you know she will notice the second you try, so you go about your business normally, then change into the sleep wear you had thankfully left on the bathroom floor this morning. As you arrive back in the main room you see she has changed too and you raise your eyebrows.

"That was fast" you comment and she smirks.

"I can be fast..." she says suggestively and your face catches fire which only makes her laugh. Scowling some more, you stomp into bed and pull the duvet over yourself, back to the still time lady.

"Goodnight (y/n)" she says into the dark.

"Hmph" you reply and she chuckles again at your sulking. Well, you thought, settling down. She couldn't watch you forever.

* * *

Jay approaches you with that smile that sends shivers down your spine and makes you want to throw up. You're standing in your living room, and he's blocking the only exit. You hide Abigail desperately from his view. 

Stepping in front of you, he strokes your hair gently and runs his thumb across your lips, titling your head up to him. You squirm and he grips tighter, bringing your lips to his, and you feel the warm breath wiping across your face. You scream and he slams you backwards against a wall and-

You wake, panting and shivering, hot and cold, light and dark, scrabbling through the bedcovers to free yourself.

"(Y/n)! Calm down it's only me, see you're safe" comes Missys' hurried voice in the dark and you clutch your chest as your heart thumps. 

"Hey hey, what happened, did you have a nightmare?" She asks but you can't answer. "Breathe (y/n)" she reminds you and you suck in a lungful of air and cough. Thats when the tears come. 

"Would you like some space?" She asks considerately, but the last thing you want is to be alone right now. Wordlessly, you curl up into her side, and her strong arms ensnare you safely in a warm cage. You haven't had a nightmare that bad in a long time. 

You can only imagine it was due to to it recent a counter with Owen, not that you were going to tell Missy that. She would probably hunt him down and decapitate him. 

You certainly couldn't tell her Jay was alive and well, living his best life back on Earth.

She squeezes you gently and you bury your head in her warm chest, hiccoughing quietly. Magically, she begins to hum, and you feel the vibrations through her chest. Jenny did that once. Something about the way a time lady hums soothes you, and you find yourself relax into her. 

At some point, you drift back to sleep.

* * *

The first thing you feel is soft fingers tracing gentle lines across your face. It tickles slightly and you smile, feeling Missy hesitate.

"Morning my love, how do you feel?" She asks and you blink slowly, then yawn and stretch making a weird squeak. She chuckles softly.

"I'm fine" you reply, trying to honestly mean it. 

"What happened in your dream?" She asks lightly and you shake your head.

"Can't remember" you reply casually. 

She clearly doesn't believe you but doesn't push it. 

You sit up and notice she is fully dressed, with a book folded across her lap. Of course, she probably couldn't have moved once you gripped her. You smile guiltily and she shuffles off the bed, where you flop back with a sigh.

"Come on you, time to get up" she says and you pull the covers back over your head. There is silence for a moment before you feel hands seize you gently and pull you shrieking from the covers.

"Missy!" You gasp. "Put me down!" You demand but she only laughs, carrying you into the bathroom. She sets you down with care on the side of the bath and throws you a towel.

"I'm waiting" she smirks, closing the door on her way out. You can't help but smile. She's arranged all your toiletries in a neat row in order of when you use them along the shelf. 

Blushing slightly, you have a quick shower, finding fresh clothes waiting for you in a corner on the hamper. She has thought of everything. 

You brush your teeth and comb your hair, letting it dry loose around your shoulders before pulling on the clothes. A cute red and brown tartan skirt and black long sleeve bodysuit with knee high boots and a long coat, your favourite actually. 

You step out and she smiles. Unreasonably, you blush. You didn't need to be quite such a fool. She was just being nice. Apparently it came more naturally to her than she gave herself credit for. 

She whistles lowly and you throw a cushion off your sofa at her, rolling your eyes. She catches it with ease and winks, holding the door open for you. Gladly, you follow through.


	23. New York

Your smile drops when you walk into the console room and spot Jenny leaning sadly against a pillar. 

Overwhelming guilt crashes over you and you step away from Missy. 

What were you doing acting so carefree when your beautiful Jenny was hurt? She looks up as you approach, and smiles good naturedly. 

You hate yourself even more. 

Needing a distraction, you dig your nails into the palm of your hand, clenching your fist deeper until you feel the first drops of warm blood but you can't shake the guilt. Someone slips their hand into yours from behind, prising open your tight fist until you relax. It's Missy, and you pull away, but it's too late. 

You know what that would've looked like to Jenny. 

The Doctor and Yaz enter, unaware of the tense internal struggle between the three of you. You try to tell yourself that Jenny was fine with this, she was the one who had stepped back. You aren't convinced.

"Ok where are we going?" Asks The Doctor, beaming around at all of you. She finally seems to read the atmosphere and frowns.

"What's up?" She says lightly and no one responds.

"Um... New York?" Suggests Yaz into the silence and The Doctor proceeds when no one offers anything else. The ride is short and uneventful, and The Doctor stops when you land.

"This is New York?" Asks Yaz excitably and she laughs.

"Sort of, I didn't think Earth was the best place, so I chose New New York. Well technically it's New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York" she says in one breath.

"Sounds good to me" giggles Yaz and she steps out the box. You follow swiftly, ignoring the others. You catch an image of The Doctor's confused face, trying to gage the problem. She's on the right lines. 

"Right, usual rules apply, no wandering off, if you don't recognise it, don't eat it, no interfering with major events, and we'll meet back here in a couple of hours." She says and you nod as neither Jenny or Missy look in the mood to talk. 

"Ok, well try to stick together" she adds, before pulling Yaz off in the direction of a tall skyscraper. She is gone from view in minutes. You sigh and face the others. Missy looks carefully controlled and Jenny downright sad.

"Come on then I guess" you say, trying to brighten the mood. Wordlessly they follow you all the way into the centre where you spin on the spot, looking at the impressive buildings with a smile on your face. 

Something catches your eye and you walk in the direction of a violent purple shop front, gaining inspiration. You push open the doors with the others following like silent bodyguards. You turn and grin slyly, both of them breaking into tentative smiles too. Disappearing behind a mannequin, you seize two bright hats, one bright orange, the other emerald green. 

Missy and Jenny have unclenched and are looking around in concern, spinning on the spot. 

Taking your chance you run up behind them and push a hat on either head, giggling and stepping back while they turn, looking perplexed. Their faces are a picture and you burst out laughing while they pull the hats off.

"(Y/n)!" Exclaims Jenny, holding the revolting hat at arms length.

"Oh you're so dead" mutters Missy, pulling her hat off too. They exchange looks then grab one of your arms each. 

You shriek and they pull you into a corner, Jenny throwing a violet coat on you, while Missy drapes on you a matching yellow scarf and hat set. You squirm and they step back, shaking with laughter.

"Oh you're kidding" you say, looking in a mirror disgustedly.

"Hey you started it" giggles Jenny and you scowl playfully.

"Oh you wanna go?" You say and they both grin. You step forward and throw pink cardigans at each of them, that hit them both right on target in the chest. You roll back, laughing while they peel off the garments and toss them back onto their hangers. 

You spot some dresses and make your way over, peeling off your coat and accessories as you go. 

"Odds on you trying on this tasteful dress?" You aim at Jenny and she eyes it apprehensively. It is teal, with sea foam green trim and a white petticoat.

"One to ten" she says and you take her.

"3" you say at exactly the same time and she groans, snatching it from your hand. 

"Your turn" she replies, pulling off a hideous purple number with lace trimming and frilly bow for your hair. 

"7" you say together. Scowling you take it from her and turn to Missy.

"Absolutely not, I'm here for moral support only" she says and you widen your eyes pleadingly. 

Rolling her own eyes, you read the number appearing in her mind seconds before, and hand her the dark blue dress closest when you guess correctly. 

She stares at it disgustedly, taking in the silver stars and hearts embroidered around the hem. She marches into the dressing room and you both follow, changing in the cubicles, much like Earth. 

You thank the stars that it has sleeves. Stepping out, you see both the time ladies staring at each other with raised eyebrows in their awful dresses. 

You rock with laughter at their amused and offended faces, when they turn to face you and burst out laughing too.

"It's a good colour on you (y/n), and I love that bow" smirks Missy and you laugh. 

"Likewise, very fetching. You two look adorable in blue by the way" you say as they scowl again.

"You really are the limit (y/n) for no one else would I put this thing on" mutters Jenny with a hint of a smile which you return with another blush. With a sadder smile, you realise that probably is true for both of them. 

You all change and leave the store, everyone a little hot and flummoxed, when you all decide to sit down. 

You stop at a cute little cafe where you drink strange coffee which Missy assures you is safe, and tastes like coffee flavoured banana. 

Happy and relaxed, you close your eyes against the gentle alien sunshine.


	24. Happy

You sit back and sigh, enjoying their company. The coffee had cream which coats your upper lip. 

Smiling, you lick it off slowly, enjoying the sweet taste as you bring your drink to your mouth again. 

However you then choke as an image hits you from out of the blue; it's from Missy's mind and she is picturing you in a fairly intimate embrace. You blush furiously and look up at her. She looks very taken aback and smiles guiltily.

"Sorry pet" she says sheepishly and you cough, eyes watering.

"Bloody hell Missy" you mutter, wiping your face with a napkin. 

This was too much. The last time you kissed someone... well you messed their brain, and as for any further... Jay. It's all Jay. You rise, shaking your head, anxious and on edge, heart beginning to pound. You recognise the signs of an anxiety attack and turn to the pair who both look scared.

"Will just... just be a minute" you wheeze, running to the cafe bathroom. You lock the door behind you and put the seat down, head on your knees and breathing deeply. You count and try to relieve the images burned into your brain. 

You had been doing so well. You had been happy and comfortable with your TARDIS family but now... knowing what Missy wanted and not being able to give it to her. You had really screwed it up. You walk out the bathroom some time later, and can instantly hear them arguing again across the cafeteria. 

Resigned to sorting it out, you turn on your heel and are gone from their view within minutes, lying low should they take a break and notice you were gone. 

Your head hurt too much to stand in the middle of their fights, and you couldn't look Missy in the eye after seeing that... really it was your own fault. 

It was her head, and she deserved privacy. Hating yourself, you look up to find yourself down a quiet alleyway. Considering going into a full blown panic attack there and then, you spot a light at the end. 

Stepping forward curiously, you see it is a beat up old camper van. You approach cautiously, and read the dusty display board.

Sad-12 mak  
Happy-21 mak  
Truth-35 mak  
Anger-12 mak  
Sleep-15 mak

Walking to step away, you hear someone call to you.

"Alright love? What can I get you? Pretty little thing like yourself looks like you could do with some cheering up" he says, dirty blonde hair falling over his face, and missing a tooth. 

You catch an image, and see he isn't actually lying. You look a mess- depressed and downright hopeless. You clear your throat.

"Um, could I... could I have the... some happy?" You ask, blushing at your own incompetence.

"'Course, how many?" He asks, pulling yellow stickers from a box underneath the camper van window.

"I don't know, how much money have I got here?" You ask tentatively, showing him some shiny silver coins you had taken earlier.

"Ya got 130 love, I can give you 6 and one at a discount." He smiles and you nod, placing the money up on the counter, careful not to touch him. He slides it towards himself then thrusts the stickers at you. You hold them up and scrutinise them. 

"Um I'm sorry... I'm... I'm foreign, how do you do these?" You ask and he smiles his toothless grin again.

"Stick em on your neck, wouldn't recommend any more than three a day tho." He says and you nod in thanks, tuning out the street and away from him. 

Reaching the end, you hold one out and flip it over. You pull at a sticky tab and slap it on your neck, beyond caring about the consequences. 

It was... God it was bliss. You sigh and smile. It felt natural and easy. You stick another couple on and your confidence grows. Your worries fade and you grin hugely, probably manically. Striding confidently, you march down the street, glancing at yourself in the shop mirrors. 

For good measure, you slap on another two and begin to feel delirious. Nausea sets in but it's worth it for the high. You turn another corner and spot the cafe, with Jenny and Missy waiting impatiently outside looking around worriedly. Knowing the remedy, you stick another on your neck. And one more. Your grin will probably reach your ears by now. You go and skip up to them, and they jump then smile apologetically. You giggle jovially.

"(Y/n) we were worried! Where have you been!" Exclaims Jenny and you laugh.

"(Y/n) really I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I couldn't help it. I know you don't feel the same way, and that's ok." Missy says timidly and you punch her playfully on the shoulder.

"Oh who cares! Come on, I want to party!" You snort and they exchange glances.

"(Y/n) are you alright...?" Asks Jenny and you smile.

"Of course my pretty girl, I'm alrighty alright" you say, erupting into peals of laughter.

"Um... (y/n)? What's so funny?" Asks Missy suspiciously, which only makes you laugh harder, hanging onto Jenny for support.

"Missy, her neck!" Whispers Jenny and you dodge Missy as she tries to peel off the stickers.

"God (y/n) how many have you got on there?" She asks scrabbling at your neck, resulting in a fleeting image of yourself as you were now, tears in your eyes from the hysterical laughter, hair ruffled and clothes sloppy. This is, of course, even funnier to you.

"Not enough" you giggle and they grab one of your hands each as you reach to stick more on.

"What do we do with her?" Says Jenny with raised eyebrows as you howl with laughter at your restraints.

"Shouldn't you at least take me out to dinner first?" You slur as they seize your upper arm each.

"Right thats it, Jenny call The Doctor, let's get her to the hospital. She's really not supposed to take this many." Sighs Missy, and they begin to guide you toward a a huge skyscraper in the near distance.


	25. Giggles

"You're not going to take my happy now are you?" You tease and Missy looks at you out the corner of her eye.

"What have you done my love" she says with a disapproving chuckle before proceeding.

You pout and Jenny sighs. "What are those things?" 

She tries to reach for your neck again but you lean so far back you would've fallen over if Missy hadn't had such a strong grip on you.

"Come on you, we need to sort this out" smiles Missy, booping you gently on the nose. You smile and try to bite her finger so she boops you again.

"I'm going to call The Doctor, have you got her?" Asks Jenny and Missy nods. 

"Come on monkey, jump on my back." She says, bending down slightly while keeping a strong grip on your wrist.

"Ooh kinky" you say, climbing on and making her chuckle.

"Indeed, nearly there now." She says, carrying you as though you weighed no more than a small rucksack. 

Jenny waits outside the building while Missy carries you in and over to the reception desk.

"Hiya, yes I think she took too many of those happy stickers." Says Missy, trying to be personable. The woman turns to face her and you nearly fall off her back in shock.

"Missy" you hiss audibly in her ear and she turns her head slightly to look at you. "She's a cat" you say and begin to giggle again. 

"Yes my love, now don't stare, it's rude" she snorts and you bite down on her shoulder to shut yourself up.

The cat lady raises her eyebrows and nods you in the direction of a lift which Missy carries you onto, legs swinging. Instantly, freezing water is poured over you, then you are dried with warm fans which makes you laugh even more hysterically, tears pouring from your eyes.

Missy then carries you into a room and sets you down gently where you pout and cross your arms, sulking.

"What?" She says, eyebrows arching gracefully.

"I want to play!" You mutter and she laughs, pulling off her necklace and handing it to you. 

You smile and coo, holding it and shaking it like a tambourine, sending yourself into peals of laughter. Missy sits herself down and leans against a wall, closing her eyes gently. She is very still. 

You stand quietly and jump on her lap, making her eyes fly open in surprise.

"(Y/n)!" She exclaims, supporting you as you rock with laughter on her lap. Just then the door opens, and in step Jenny, Yaz and The Doctor.

"Doctor!" You cry, and jump from Missy to the other time lady, who catches you carefully, allowing you to squeeze her in a hug. 

"Can't... breathe" she squeaks and Yaz releases her carefully. She blinks and holds you at arms distance, unsure of what to make of you. 

"Ok what happened?" She says, raising her delicate eyebrows at you, and you laugh again. She lets go and you tumble to the floor, where you roll around shrieking with laughter.

"She took those happy stickers, and quite a few I'd say" replies Missy fondly as you scrabble at her dress to right yourself, snorting unattractively.

"Ok well don't let her out of your sight, she could be a danger to herself if she's not careful. She's not herself right now." Responds The Doctor and you sit up, shaking your head.

"Really? I hadn't noticed, and she's not a danger, she's a puppy" says Missy and you smile. Disliking the atmosphere, you reach in your pocket inconspicuously and pull out another sticker.

"Absolutely not" says The Doctor, snatching it off you. You cross your arms and pout.

"Meanie" you mutter and Missy sniggers, earning a disapproving look from Jenny.

"What? It's quite funny, look at her" says Missy and they all turn to you as you stand and walk immediately into a wall, falling and laughing on your back.

"Actually she is quite cute" adds Yaz and The Doctor scowls.

"How did she even get hold of them?" Asks The Doctor and Missy frowns. 

"I think she took the money from my purse." Says Jenny mildly and you snort.

"Ya little thief" says Missy, Scottish accent thick.

"Well I spoke to one of the nurses here, she's just going to have to wait for it to wear off. They don't think they need to interfere, just get the stickers off." Says The Doctor and Missy shrugs.

"Be my guest" she smirks and The Doctor approaches you steadily. 

At the last moment you lunge and bite her hand, making her recoil and grip it confusedly.

"She bit me!" Cries The Doctor and everyone sniggers slightly.

"Yeah she does that" adds Missy, enjoying this a little too much.

"Ok Missy, Jenny pin her down, Yaz hold her legs, I'll get them off her." She adds an everyone dives at you at once. You squirm and shriek but The Doctor rips them off your neck. The pressure releases and you sit up.

"Well that was rude" you pout and Missy wheezes.

"Sorry love, but we can't leave you like this." She says and you scowl.

"Why not? I'm happy like this. I'm happy happy happy." You whine and they stop. "I don't want to kill myself or even hurt myself, I'm very happy" you mumble absentmindedly, obliviously playing with Missy's necklace while they all stare down at you. 

Eventually they relax, and The Doctor and Missy take up watch while Jenny and Yaz go to find the shop.

You shuffle over to The Doctor on your knees and lean your chin on them. She looks down at you in surprise and smiles gently when you yawn.

"I take it back, she is actually quite cute." Says The Doctor finally and Missy nods as you close your eyes and settle with your head on the blonde time lady's lap.

"You'll be ok (y/n)" she says, stroking your hair gently as you begin to feel sleepy.

"I'm going to sleep now" you mumble and they chuckle.

"You do that my love, we'll be right here when you wake up." Says Missy and you snuffle, relaxing into The Doctor and falling gently asleep.


	26. War

You are thrown from blackness immediately into fire, a burning planet, with children clad in long crimson garments screaming and cowering. 

You watch a girl, maybe seven years old, with bright ginger hair standing screaming, shaking the almost severed hand of a woman; presumably her mother. 

You feel your chest tighten and run over to her in that annoying slow motion way, trying to staunch the flow, but every time to touch her your hand goes right through.

"Run!" You scream at the girl but she isn't moving. 

You hear a powerful blast behind you, and see a huge concrete wall being shot at. You scream but it stands steady, actually letters are forming on the way from the blasts. Ground shaking, you feel the girl weep beside you. You want her to run, to find shelter, but it's clear she can't move. She speaks in a strange ethereal language, but the pain is easily translatable. 

You glance at the wall again and read the words that have been blasted in. 

No more.

You have no idea what that means, but as the deafening crescendo of battle assaults your ears, you find the wall is blasted completely open, showering you with debris. 

You feel it hit you without the impact, and standing in the ruins is a lone man with a goatee, wearing a worn brown leather jacket.

"No more!" He shouts up at the sky, and you tilt your head to see hover ships and strange metal aliens shooting red and white lights. The noise is deafening, but you can hear him clearly.

"Gallifrey will fall no more!" He shouts, and you stumble at the next round of explosions, only now it had significance. This is Gallifrey. This is The Doctors' and Missys' home. And this is what happened. 

You knew there was a war- the time war, The Doctor had called it all those years ago -but this, you think, gazing with tears in your eyes at the terrified Gallifreyans and burning landscape, this was something else. War was an understatement. This was torture just to watch.

You look up again at the man but he is walking away. Walking away as though defeated. But you know he isn't. 

No more. 

Those words meant something more to him than they did to you. You cover your head as another explosion sends you to the ground, and you feel darkness descend, before you are being pulled into light.

"(Y/n)! (Y/n) wake up!" Someone calls and you feel energy radiating though you as you snap your eyes open, jumping instantly to your feet. 

You sense rather a long time and passed, a thought backed up by the setting sun in the window.

"(Y/n) it's ok, we're in a hospital, you're safe." Says Missy, approaching you, but you step away, feeling sick.

"No more" you say and they both freeze. "No more" you repeat a little louder.

"What-? (Y/n) what?" Says The Doctor lowly and you meet her eyes, never having expected her to react so dramatically to just words.

"Gallifrey will fall no more. That's what he said. And your planet, that war. Doctor how did it end?" You say, voice breaking as tears roll down your cheek.

"(Y/n) how do you know all this?" Missy asks in fear and you shake your head, looking away, trying to stop shaking.

"She heard it from me. Of course. I must have been thinking about it exactly when you woke up." Replies The Doctor and you retch and cough drily.

"What does that mean? What did he mean?" You say, anxiety adding up.

"(Y/n) calm down, it was along time ago, it's gone. Who is this man?" Asks Missy and you try to unclench your tense muscles.

"That man, he wrote those words on a wall with a gun, then he left. Oh god he left" you say,  
Pulling at your blue hair. 

The Doctor looks like a she's seen a ghost. 

She swallows and exchanges glances with Missy, who nods in encouragement.

"(Y/n) breathe and listen." She says and you make an effort to comply.

"The man, he was wearing a brown leather jacket-yes?" She says and you nod breathlessly. She looks like she was hoping you would say no.

"I change my face (y/n), you remember?" She starts and you nod, too anxious to make any connections.  
"That was me (y/n). One of my old faces. Very old actually. He's the one who-" she stops and breathes in some air, looking up. "He's the one who burned Gallifrey." She finishes and you pause.

"You said Gallifrey was gone, that it was destroyed." You say blankly and she smiles without humour.

"Yes. I destroyed it. It was my planet or the universe." She says solemnly and you look at her truly for the first time since you've woken up. 

"She was out of options" says Missy quietly, and it is a mark of the seriousness of the situation that she wasn't taking advantage of The Doctors' dismay.

"You did that?" You whisper in disbelief. "You burned your planet for the rest of the universe?" You say and she nods sadly. She is clearly miserable and ashamed, which makes you angry.

"Doctor, I've known you a while now, but I could never imagine you could do something quite so brave and selfless." You say quietly and she snaps her head up.

"I'm sorry you had to see it (y/n)" she says sadly and you shake your head, closing the distance between you and pulling her in for a proper hug, probably the first one you've ever shared with the time lady willingly. She stiffens then relaxes.

"And I'm sorry you had to live it" you mutter into her shoulder and she squeezes you comfortably. 

"You too Missy" you add, "come here" you say, face buried in The Doctors' shoulder.

"Ah I'm not a big hugger" she says but you both seize her and pull her in. She struggles for a moment then squeezes you too, before stepping away and brushing off her dress. 

You break away from The Doctor too and see she has tears in her eyes. 

Looking at her sadly, you give her the only small comfort you can. 

You take her head and close your eyes, ignoring her confused expression, and proceed to give her image after image of all the things she has grown to love. 

There's plenty of Yaz in there, laughing and smiling and simply gazing at her when The Doctor didn't know she was looking. There's Jenny, in all her faces, laughing and throwing about her head of curls or blonde ponytail, and finally yourself, smiling at how grateful you were that she had saved your life all those years ago. She relaxes and smiles properly.

"Thank you" she whispers, tears rolling down her cheeks and you squeeze her hand, the pictures doing all the talking.


	27. Touch

Naturally The Doctor confiscates your stickers upon discharge from the hospital barely an hour later. 

However, having seen this coming you are able to stuff a couple done your sock. She probably suspects you, but there's nothing she can really do- a strip search is probably a step too far. 

You arrive back at The Tardis with a thumping headache that seems to be permanent these days, and The Doctor gives you some painkillers as you set off to bed. The others plan on watching a movie, so you you pull the bedsheets off and curl up on the floor, and are asleep within minutes.

Your dreams are jumbled and disorganised. You walk through alleyways and plummet off tall buildings. You stand by your grave and try to stop it from sinking into the ground. You can't run fast enough to stop your friends dying, but eventually the scene changes and you are staring at a man. 

He has grey hair and angry eyebrows, but strong eyes. Next to you stands, to your surprise, Missy. She wears her purple dress and a careless smile that makes you uncomfortable. The man is talking to her and someone else, who also has grey hair; but his eyes look insane. 

looking around you are stood in the middle of a field outside a farmhouse, and in the distance you hear the full sounds of marching metal. You shiver. Cyber men. Instinctively you step towards Missy, but of course she can't see you. 

"Come with me. It's time we joined ranks." Eyebrow-man offers, but Missy and the other guy don't react.

"Thank you for trying, Doctor, but no." She says before walking away. You spin round to face The Doctor in one of her previous faces, and watch pure sadness wash over him. 

So this was the day Missy hated, the day she rejected The Doctor. You want to comfort them, tell them it's alright, that it gets better, but you can't. You watch him turn away and feel the scene dissolve.

You blink, disoriented and aware of someone nearby.

"Sorry pet I didn't mean to wake you." Missy murmurs into the quiet, and you notice you are tucked up beside her in you bed.

"You didn't look very comfy on the floor" she apologises gently, stroking your forehead. "I hope you don't mind."

"So long as I'm not alone here, it's ok" you say sleepily and she squeezes you gently. "What time is it?" You ask and she shifts slightly from her position resting her head on the headboard, a book laid flat on her fully clothed lap.

"5:15, you should go back to sleep" she says, but you're awake now. You shift to sit up and she smiles, showing her teeth. You look at her hard and her smile slips.

"What's wrong my love? Another dream?" She says, and for some reason you shake your head. It was apparent now that you had seen what she had been subconsciously thinking about, but you didn't like to remind her. You knew she didn't like that day, and it hurt you that she still mulled over it after all this time. 

You rise and pad softly to the bathroom, going about your business thoughtfully. Finished, you find clothes folded neatly on the hamper again. You smile. No matter what you saw of her, or heard of her past, you failed to think badly of her. 

She had picked out some blacks leggings, a hoodie and boots for you, pretty much exactly what you would have chosen. 

You dress carefully then do your teeth and hair with a touch of makeup, before walking back out. She's made you bed, and leans absently against the wall.

She spots you and holds open the door, but takes a right when you go to turn left. 

"I'll see you in a bit pet" she says and you nod as she heads off, presumably to her own room. You wished she could stay. You shake your head at that thought and proceed on your own mission. 

You find The Doctor in the console room as usual, but she's with Yaz. They sit cuddling cutely, not talking, in happy content. You consider coming back later, but you don't think you can wait. 

You stay back so they can't see you, and hurl with all your strength a picture of the piano room at The Doctor. You can't see her reaction from your hiding place, but you hear some scufflings and murmurs. 

Peeking back round, you see Yaz standing alone, reading a book quietly with The Doctor nowhere in sight. 

Still surprised it worked so smoothly, you make your own way to the music room, coming out of a corridor just behind her as she walks unsurely to the door and places her hand on it.

"You know, you could have just asked" she says without turning around and you feel guilty. She turns and smiles, opening the door and letting you through. Sitting on the stool, she makes her way over and sits down too.

"What's up?" She asks in concern as you swallow. You point at her hand and raise your eyebrows in permission. She looks temporarily apprehensive before giving you her hand. 

You close your eyes as she watches you carefully, and give her the dream you had of her, the strange man and Missy. She sucks in a sharp intake of breath before you drop her hand.

"Missy" you say and she nods. "Who was the other man?"

She looks at you for a long time before answering. 

"The master." She mutters and you screw up your face in thought. "But that means..." 

"Yes, Missys' previous face" she says and you nod. 

"The bad one" you whisper. 

"Yes" 

You catch an image of the third person, this Doctor thinking about him as she smiles fondly. 

"Another face?" You ask and she nods.

"Yes that my previous face actually, face number 12" she says and you nod. "So you're 13?" You say and she smiles. "But you said, you told me ages ago that you were only supposed to have 11 faces" you say and she looks away. 

"Yes" she confirms quietly. "Only I was a little different. Someone told me that I was the first time lord. It gets messy, but the ability to regenerate, and every Gallifreyan after, was based off me. I was experimented on and tortured. The Master, not this face, a future one, showed me all this, but you can never tell Missy" she looks at you seriously and you nod "My life was a phenomenon that others wanted. All my history, it's wrong. These are just the faces I know about. My people did that to me." She says, and you understand how hard this was for her.

"I'm sorry" you whisper and she nods, wiping her face. "But I don't think it matters" she looks up, startled but you smile.

"The Doctor, who you are now. That's what's important, who you chose to become. You chose this. And look what it did for you." 

You touch her hand lightly, and show her galaxies and stars, while she stares upwards in wonder, hazel eyes flickering in the orange light, truly seeing her life.


	28. Authors’ note

Hello again! I hope you enjoyed this story and are still interested in another. 

For this novella I wanted (y/n) to explore the idea of a healthy relationship, while fighting her abandonment issues and sense of worthlessness, but also her fear of hurting others in her choices.

(Y/n) discovering how her abilities were progressing and learning to control them was a big factor, and I hope I explained well enough for you to understand, while letting (y/n) uncover it all herself.

I enjoyed the conflict Missy felt, fighting her instincts and working hard to make the right choices. I felt it was actually much harder than I gave her credit for, but there were definitely some tense moments where we saw the old Missy come through, and I think The Doctor was suitably forgiving during these times.

I had to include some Torchwood of course -I love that show and have watched it way too many times- so I hope you appreciated a little Captain Jack Harkness being a flirt and a menace.

The Jenny or Missy triangle was always going to be a big part of the story, and I would love to hear what you think is going to happen next!

I'm having great fun writing these novellas, and I'm certainly not done yet, so hang around for more of (y/n)'s story:)

Do let me know anything you would like to mention, whether it's ideas or feedback, I do love to see it.

Finally a big thank you to midnightmountain for their wonderful support, as well as FoxERose and Darcey075 for your feedback and interaction, I appreciate it all.

As usual, I do not own any of the characters, all rights reserved to the BBC.

See you soon my lovelies!

MissWho77 x


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